Service members navigating custody arrangements after separation or divorce face complex rules for Basic Allowance for Housing (BAH). The regulations become even murkier for unmarried military parents who share custody while living together, a situation the military’s housing policy never anticipated.
Current BAH regulations address two clear scenarios. A service member can receive BAH at the with-dependent rate if they have legal and physical custody of their child and the child lives with them. Alternatively, a service member living in government quarters who pays child support can receive BAH-Differential (BAH-DIFF), the difference between the with-dependent and without-dependent rates.
These rules assume physical separation. When unmarried parents share custody while cohabiting, neither category applies cleanly.
Where the Regulations Fall Short
Department of Defense Financial Management Regulation Volume 7A, Chapter 26, governs BAH eligibility. For married service members, dependency is automatic. For divorced or separated service members, court orders provide clear documentation. But unmarried parents living together occupy a gray area.
They may have a child support order, share custody informally or through agreement, and cohabitate, but the regulatory framework wasn't designed for this. The regulation explicitly addresses dual-military couples, but it doesn't cover a service member cohabiting with a non-military parent while paying child support.
BAH-DIFF exists for service members in government quarters who pay child support to a custodial parent in a separate residence. But if the service member pays court-ordered child support while living with the child and the other parent, they're paying support and providing housing simultaneously. The regulations don't address this.
Read More: Military Troops and Retirees: Here's the First Financial Step to Take in 2026
Without clear guidance, finance offices make individual determinations that vary by installation. One might approve with-dependent BAH based on physical custody and residence. Another might deny it based on the child support order. Both interpretations have regulatory support, but service members' housing allowances shouldn't depend on which installation they're assigned to.
Court-ordered child support can also create documentation conflicts. If the order doesn't explicitly name one parent as primary custodian, the service member may struggle to prove they meet custody requirements for with-dependent BAH, even though they're providing the housing. State courts focus on what's best for the child. Military finance regulations focus on dependency status. These systems don't always align.
What Service Members Should Do
Service members in these situations should start with their installation finance office. Bring documentation including the child support order, proof of residence showing cohabitation, custody agreements and any court documents establishing parental rights and responsibilities. Finance offices can submit cases for formal dependency determinations when situations fall outside standard categories.
Legal assistance offices can help service members understand whether modifying custody arrangements would clarify their BAH status. Sometimes adjusting custody documentation to explicitly establish primary physical custody can resolve eligibility questions, but this requires court involvement and can introduce unnecessary conflict for cohabiting parents maintaining functional relationships.
Read More: The Cost of Skipping Sick Call: How Active-Duty Service Members Can Protect Future VA Claims
Why These Gaps Exist
Military housing regulations were written around traditional family structures. Marriage, divorce, legal separation and court-ordered custody arrangements all provide clear documentation. Modern family arrangements including unmarried cohabiting parents and informal custody sharing create situations the regulations never addressed.
The regulations have evolved. Current policy recognizes same-sex marriages and allows dual-military couples to designate who receives with-dependent rates. But gaps remain for situations outside established categories. Service members report spending months working with finance offices while their housing costs continue, sometimes being advised to either stop paying child support or move out to establish physical separation, neither of which serves their children's best interest.
As family structures continue evolving, military pay regulations will need to catch up. Until those updates happen, service members in nontraditional situations should document everything, work closely with their finance and legal assistance offices, and be prepared for longer processing times while their cases receive individual review.
Stay on Top of Your Military Benefits
Military benefits are always changing. Keep up with everything from pay to health care by subscribing to Military.com, and get access to up-to-date pay charts and more with all latest benefits delivered straight to your inbox.
Sources: Department of Defense Financial Management Regulation (DoDFMR) Volume 7A, Chapter 26. Defense Travel Management Office, "Basic Allowance for Housing" (2025). Military Pay Defense.gov, "Basic Allowance for Housing." Brinkley Law Firm, "Military Divorce and BAH" (2024). Military OneSource, "Military Child Custody Considerations" (2025).
