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Do Predatory Women Go After Officers?

Ms. Vicki

Dear Ms. Vicki,

Why do officers always get the raw end of a deal? I have seen far too many women in my years in the military who used "sex" with an officer to get promoted, special treatment, etc. I have also seen senior NCOs affected by the same thing. 

When will the military figure out that what is good for the goose is good for the gander? There are those times when an officer steps out of line, I know. However, more times than not, the female plotted and wanted to "seduce the officer" just to see if she could. 

If the officer is at a low in his career or lets his guard down, she pounces. Then she feels compelled to "do the right thing" and report the officer. 

There has to be a way to stop this female behavior. It isn't always the man's fault.

Sincerely,
Not the Man's Fault

Dear Man's Fault,

Let's agree that there is a big difference between an inappropriate relationship and sexual assault or abuse.

I think the overwhelming majority of women and men in the military who report rape and abuse are telling the truth. It takes a lot to come forward in that environment.

That said, you are right that inappropriate relationships in the military are not always the man's "fault." There are some predatory women who seek to destroy men. And some predatory men who seek to destroy women. Sometimes, these people succeed.

But this is not solely an officer's problem. This can happen within all ranks, up and down the chain of command, both officer and enlisted.

Are there women who have affairs hoping they will be the next "Mrs.Whoever"? Yes, I have seen this happen. When the man refuses to leave his wife, these women become scorned and vindictive and will set out to ruin his marriage and his career.

That is hard on everyone -- husbands, wives, partners and especially children. When people decide they are going to step out of their marriage and into another relationship, it doesn't matter if someone was "at a low in his career." It doesn't matter if the other woman could be a "predator."

You have to own your own behavior. It takes two people. You play, you pay.

Sincerely,
Ms. Vicki

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Contributor

Ms. Vicki is a native of Dallas, has been the Dear Abby for the military community since her column began in 2005. A licensed therapist and licensed clinical social worker, Ms. Vicki holds a Master of Science in social work and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology.

Ms. Vicki appears regularly on Military.com and in the Fort Campbell Courier. Her column has also appeared in the Washington (D.C.) Times and in the Heidelberg (Germany) Post Herald. She has been featured on CNN, CBS, ABC and NBC.

Looking for advice about your military life? Email Ms. Vicki here. Find Ms. Vicki on Facebook here.  Find Ms. Vicki on Twitter here.

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