Book Review: I'm Just Saying

Military.com - Tom Miller

Sep 23, 2008

I'm Just Saying: A Collection of Essays, by Sarah Smiley.
Ballinger Publishing, $14.95 (287p) ISBN 978-0-9791103-1-3

I'm just saying . . . that in some respects Navy wife, columnist, and author Sarah Smiley (Going Overboard: The Misadventures of a Military Wife) is the military-wife version of Everywoman. 

Ms. Smiley, a tee-ball Mom to three young sons, shops at Target and Home Depot, hosts birthday parties at Chick-fil-A, packs up and moves every three years or so, endures long deployments, and generally provides the ballast that keeps the Smiley boat afloat—a reality that she shares with tens of thousands of military wives.  That she does all this with grace and empathy helps explain her popularity among military wives and many husbands as well.  (Her syndicated column—from which these essays are taken—reaches two million readers weekly.)

The essays are arranged topically and cover "Marriage," "Children," and "The Military"—the typical trifecta of a military wife's existence.  While the tone of individual essays varies from playful to earnest, the collection as a whole is funny, wise, and as authentic as home-made apple pie.

Ms. Smiley's husband, Dustin, is a career Navy pilot, and by all appearances, a darn good sport.  How many husbands—especially one immersed in a warrior culture—would want the world to know that they are deathly "afraid of baby dolls?"  Not that Dustin doesn't deserve it.  This is the same man, for example, who gave his wife a Home Depot gift card for Christmas!  And, who actually said that the "most tired" he could recall being was when the author—a.k.a. his wife—was in labor.  Ouch!

Ms. Smiley is most eloquent when writing about the joys and challenges of parenthood—challenges that are multiplied for military couples who contend with frequent deployments and "missed moments": birthdays, Christmases, tee-ball games, and illnesses.  Yes, illnesses.  Ms. Smiley wisely notes that "many service members would trade all the missed anniversaries and birthdays just to be home" when their children are sick. 

As for the military—her home for most of her life (as the daughter of a Navy fighter pilot and the wife of a Navy helicopter pilot)—Ms. Smiley is fair and balanced.  She is unstinting in her praise for, and defense of, military families.  Yet, she's not afraid to take the military to task for its shortcomings—especially its bureaucratic culture. 

Aware that many of her readers are civilians, Ms. Smiley is an outspoken advocate for military families.  She is quick to counter unfair criticism of the military, and she chafes at public indifference.  She also tries to help often-clueless civilians interact with military families.  In an essay on "What Not to Say," she notes, for example, that civilian wives should never, ever complain that their husband "will be away on business all weekend." 

As for the faceless bureaucracy that ultimately controls her life, Ms. Smiley can be devastatingly witty.  Writing about base decals—the stickers that must be obtained (by waiting in line) and displayed on vehicles—she imagines one bureaucrat saying to another: "Military wives aren't wasting enough time on base.  Let's make them register their vehicles now, too."  No matter that the cars are already registered with the state.

As for the dreaded personnel officer who controls her family's fate, Smiley wryly notes that they "have always been gracious enough to grant us all of our wishes and desires that suit Uncle Sam."  And, in that vein, she notes even more wryly that you know you're a military wife when "you've had the same husband for five years, but haven't seen him in three."

Reading Sarah Smiley is like having morning coffee with your favorite neighbor.  It's fun . . .  and it's stimulating.   And, it has nothing to do with the caffeine.
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The Wit & Wisdom of Sarah Smiley

1) Advise for husbands:  Never answer the question, "What are you thinking about?"  Unless, of course, your response is, "I'm thinking about how smart and beautiful you are." 

2) "Traveling with children could be an Olympic event."

3)  On the fate of a second child: "His scrapbook is half as thick, his clothes are half as new, and his time in the spotlight is half as much."

4)  Military families "buy homes for the same reasons that everyone else does.  Namely, to spend our Saturday mornings at Home Depot."

5)  "Let us all remember that at the end of the day, if a soldier has completed his mission and come home to his family alive, it is a very good day indeed."

AMEN.

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Copyright 2008 by Tom Miller