I Sexy Skype and You Should, Too

Here is a short list of things I did last year: Had a baby, waved at my husband (while sobbing) as he boarded a bus for a plane to Afghanistan, volunteered more hours at church than I can count, and took my bra off on Skype.

I also took off some other things. Not that there was that much to take off in the first place.

Because I sexy Skype ... and love it.

Deployment is really hard and physical absence is really hard. (Ha-ha, HARD!) And, in my personal opinion, going nine months without sex is tantamount to some horrible betrayal of basic physical needs. My husband feels the same way. When we said I do, we were lucky to be in lust and in love. We're pretty lucky that that's still true today ... but it's also no coincidence. We work hard to keep it hot.

And that doesn't stop just because he deployed.

Most mornings, my husband awoke to a sexy photo from me in his inbox. (Don't betray me, Google!) He deployed with a sexy pinup calendar that included all the relevant family-life dates he needed to know while gone (Grandma's birthday among them), and an appropriate holiday themed outfit that would easily win any bar's skanky Halloween costume contest as the photo for that month. Thank you, Ami Club Wear. I was a super hot Sailor Girl for May, and it was totally fun. Inevitably, somebody in the printing department at Blurb saw more than I'd be comfortable with if I really focused on it, so I don't focus on it. It's not like there were pictures of my birth canal on display, there were just sexy pictures for a husband from a wife. (In point of fact, given the amount of people in the room when I did give birth, I've put on something of a peep show already.)

This isn't to say we lead some 50 Shades kind of life. Actually, we're pretty normal, church going, regular old married people who often fall asleep before getting it on and then think better of it in the morning ... but then repeat the same mistake the next night.

But you know what's also perfectly regular and normal? Sex. And so wanting to share that intimacy while he's gone is probably just as run of the mill. Amy wrote recently about how Skype usage increases greatly around military bases over Valentine's, and she wondered at how many of us were using it for naughty Skype. So I'm here to own up to it: One of those hits at Camp Lejeune? TOTALLY ME.

And I'm really glad I did it.

You silly woman!, You say. Your boobs are all over the internet! If nothing else, all over the MWR tent!

Nah-ah, I say to you. My husband would probably kill anyone else that saw my boobs. (Probably? Definitely. Except those people that saw me pumping in the car as we PCSed this fall. Those people he just tried to speed away from. Unhealthy driving, sure. Sorry, truck driver. Pumping isn't pretty for anyone.) But my husband had the luxury of a computer in his room, and when he was in the MWR whenever he was at another base, he was just very careful to position his body appropriately when he checked NSFW-subject-lined emails.

Girls: Your husbands don't want the world to see your tits. And if they do, hey, maybe that's something that gets you going, too. I'm not going to judge. What happens in your bedroom stays in your bedroom, and as long as neither of you are getting hurt, it's none of my business. But the automatic assumption that husbands are sharing and distributing pictures of their wives' boobies is just about the most absurd thing I've ever heard.

Keeping the flame alive sounds a lot smarter to me.

So this is just an open letter of support.

To all you sexy lingerie donners, sexy photo takers, sexters, naughty skypers, and those of you busting your bottom to keep your marriage hot: Here, here. You go, girl. It's hard work, and sometimes - deployment times - it takes Skype to do it. Sexy Skype forever!

The NSA has probably gotten an eye-full, but if they're keeping an eye out for a little Marine couple just trying to keep their marriage hot, they're probably not doing the best job to begin with. And as for those folks at Blurb... well, it certainly can't be the first time.

To all you haters, all I can do is explain that you wouldn't know it looking at me. I'm the person who tells you to keep your dress classy at the ball and for god's sake don't let your underwear hang out. I am known to own a sweater set or two. Or ten. I wear pearls on a regular basis. I just also channel the eternal wisdom of that sage musician, Usher... It's okay to be a lady in the streets and a freak in the bedroom.

And, sometimes, that means also on Skype.

Beautiful image by Haifeez, resized and used under Creative Commons license on Flickr.

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