Dear Ms. Vicki,
I'm just having a hard time lately and need to talk to someone. I am married to an O-3 Army Reservist. In 2013, my husband got off of active duty. Now we are living in Mississippi.
I personally hate it here, but my husband loves his job and they love him. It's very military-oriented, and he has no issues when he has military obligations. The company also allows him to utilize his degree, which I think is the biggest bonus for him.
As for me, I am still stuck unemployed. I am unable to get financial aid to go back to school. I have distributed my resume to the temp agencies here and during the school year, I subbed at the local high school for a day, but that's the only work I've had. I've signed up with volunteer organizations. I am constantly filling out online applications as well.
I don't know what else to do. It seems that everyone around me is excelling. I still feel extremely inadequate and useless. Sometimes, I wake up and just lie in bed wondering what's the point in even getting up.
I feel like the only thing I'm good for is taking up space and costing my husband money. I've had thoughts of suicide, and when I tried to talk to him about it, he rolled his eyes and sighed. When he was a commander, he always went the extra mile if he thought even a private might feel that way.
Now, I just feel like a burden. I just don't know what to do. I feel like every time I take one step forward, I'm pushed two steps back.
Sincerely, Pushed Two Steps Back
Dear Pushed Back,
When you are having thoughts of taking your life, you need to go to the emergency room and speak to a physician. You cannot feel like you are being a burden and you cannot feel ashamed either, OK?
I'm concerned that you are depressed. You are wearing yourself down trying to feel better, but you are feeling worse to the point that you can't make it through the day.
You moved to Mississippi, and you are unemployed. It's tough because you are used to working and earning an income. But you can't find a job, and the occupational outlook for employment in Mississippi isn't very bright for you.
You could accept that you may have to start a business venture, continue to network with others for employment opportunities, volunteer when unique opportunities present themselves and be a little at ease because your husband is employed and he is assuring you that financially everything is OK.
Yet instead of employing some good coping skills and accepting these facts, you are depressed to the point that you are thinking about taking your life. I'm asking you to please go and talk to a professional. You could be experiencing a major depressive episode or something else.
I just want you to be OK. You are not alone, and we understand.
The number to the national 24/7 SuicideCrisis Hotline is 1-800-273-8255. Write to me again and let me know how you are doing.
Sincerely, Ms. Vicki