Ms. Vicki: She's 47, I'm 22 - What Now?

Ms. Vicki

Dear Ms. Vicki,

I met the woman of my dreams about six months ago. I’m 22 and she is 47. She has two children and has been married twice. One husband was very abusive to her. She still has vivid memories of the abuse and cries a lot.

I want to marry her and make it better. She needs to know that all men are not dogs, liars and abusers. I am a good man and off to a great Army career. I want to marry her before I deploy next month. This way I can make sure she and her children are taken care of and have benefits.

My parents have told me that this is a mistake and they will not attend my wedding. I cannot believe they feel like this. They should be happy for me and glad that I have found the person that I love. My fiancé says that true love is hard to understand. I’m wondering how can I get my parents to understand and give me their support.

Sincerely, 20 And Ready

Dear Ready 20,

Perhaps you’ve made your decision and you will do what you want no matter what your parents think. Maybe you won’t take my advice either but I agree with your parents. I think you need to cool your jets.

I believe your girlfriend used some of her other skills to reel you in like a pro fisherman in a bass tournament. She obviously found a good catch.

At any rate, use some common judgment and wait. If you marry her, you will be biting off more than you can chew at the moment. You will have to worry about her and two children during this deployment when you should be focusing on other things. All of her problems will become your problems and you just don’t need to be obligated to her or her children right now.

If you send me her location I will look for some area resources to help her with her past abuse. I will also explore other social service resources that could be useful to her and the children.

I’m all for marriage but my answer is: NO, DON’T DO IT! During this deployment let her depend on her family and friends to help her. More importantly, it’s time for her to learn to stand on her own two feet.

Sincerely, Ms. Vicki

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