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Will I Lose My Wife Benefits If She Has His Baby?

Ms. Vicki

Dear Ms. Vicki,

I recently found out that my husband of almost a year conceived a child with another service member while deployed in Afghanistan. 

She has been sending him nude pictures (which I have). On Facebook, she is tagging him to her statuses. She even has Mrs. ******* as her last name on her Instagram page. That blew me away because that's my last name.

I recently got her number from his phone and sent her the nude pictures of herself. She informed me, "You can't get put out the military for stealing someone's man." Then she said she was pregnant.

I don't know how true this is, but I want to report them. I'm just afraid of losing my benefits. I do not know all of the benefits due to me as a military spouse so I just sit and take it all in.

Sincerely,
Lisa

Dear Lisa,

You do not mention what your husband has to say about any of this. Honestly, you have some decisions to make.

For example, you can choose to report your husband and the other woman to their command, which could choose to punish them. However, it doesn't mean this will stop your husband from doing the same thing again in the future.

You also do not know if this woman is pregnant or if she is pregnant with your husband's child. If she is, this means that as long as you are married to your husband, you will be linked to this child and the child's mother.

As to your benefits as a military wife, this is a question many women write and ask me. I'm an Army wife, and I know many other military spouses, both men and women, across the service branches.

The only benefit we receive is a military ID that gives access to healthcare, commissary and exchange privileges. There is also additional pay to your service member because he has dependents. That amount is easily accessible online. I am not aware of any other benefits.

If you and your husband divorce, you are no longer entitled to the ID card and the entitlements I mentioned above.

I think the main point is that you must ask yourself if you are willing to stay with a cheater, a man who by your report is disrespecting you?

You must ask yourself if your current entitlements are worth what he is putting you through. I'll bet if you are assertive enough, you can provide the same or more for yourself. Let me know what you decide to do.

Sincerely,
Ms. Vicki

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Contributor

Ms. Vicki is a native of Dallas, has been the Dear Abby for the military community since her column began in 2005. A licensed therapist and licensed clinical social worker, Ms. Vicki holds a Master of Science in social work and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology.

Ms. Vicki appears regularly on Military.com and in the Fort Campbell Courier. Her column has also appeared in the Washington (D.C.) Times and in the Heidelberg (Germany) Post Herald. She has been featured on CNN, CBS, ABC and NBC.

Looking for advice about your military life? Email Ms. Vicki here. Find Ms. Vicki on Facebook here.  Find Ms. Vicki on Twitter here.

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