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Ms. Vicki: Should I Tell on the Other Woman?

Ms. Vicki

Dear Ms. Vicki,

After 18 years of marriage, I found out my husband is having an affair. The other woman is married to another Marine, and this is not the only affair my husband has had.

My husband has never said "sorry," and I have filed for divorce. He has made a mockery out of this.

I want to contact the other husband and let him know his wife is a cheater. Am I wrong? My life is turned upside down. Please help.

Devastated Wife

Dear Devastated,

Wow, 18 years? I am so sorry to hear this. I don't blame you for wanting to contact this hussy's husband and tell him that his wife is a cheater. You have been through so much emotional turmoil because of her actions.

I'm increasingly meeting women who confess that they are the "Other Woman," and they don't mind being in that position.

They report that being the other woman is the best position in the world to be in for several reasons. They don't have the stress of keeping the marriage together. 

When they see your husband, he is looking good and at his best. He is not stressed out about work and sad about other life events because you, the wife, put up with the problems. 

The Other Woman doesn't have to cook his meals or wash his dirty underwear. When she has her rendezvous with your husband, he is ready to have fun and spend his money.

Lastly, the Other Woman doesn't care anything about "his wife" or "his children." It's all about her.

When I hear this kind of thing, it makes me realize how easy it is to be the Other Woman. The Other Woman doesn't have any investment.

So, I know your first reaction is to tell this Marine that his wife has been cheating with your husband.

I agree that he should know, but I'm wondering if that will keep you on a roller coaster ride of emotional turmoil. Besides, if she is the typical "Other Woman," she doesn't care if you tell her husband.

Please know that marriage can survive infidelity. I know many that have survived and became much better, with the couple being open and honest with each other about what caused the affair.

I can't tell you to stay or leave your husband. However, you should give careful consideration to both. Let me know what you decide to do.

Ms. Vicki

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Ms. Vicki, a native of Dallas, has been the ‘Dear Abby’ for the military community since her column began in 2005. A licensed therapist and licensed clinical social worker, Ms. Vicki holds a Master of Science in social work and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology. Her column has appeared in the Washington (D.C.) Times and in the Heidelberg (Germany) Post Herald. She has been featured on CNN, CBS, ABC and NBC.

Ms. Vicki has retired from writing new columns for Although Ms. Vicki is no longer offering new advice on, you can still email military benefits questions to our Questions and Benefits team. Need military spouse career help? Email our Dear Career writers.