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Should He Join Navy If Fiancee Says No?

Ask Ms. Vicki

Dear Ms. Vicki,

I don't know what to do. I am not currently in the service, but I wish to join the Navy as an advanced electronics technician. I am recently engaged and my significant other wants to support me. But she also hates the idea of me leaving her.

My fiancee doesn't think I should go into the military. I want to serve. So I’m not entirely sure about what I should do. I mean, when we were discussing it she almost broke down and started crying. I think she would get over it, but I’m not sure.

Very Confused Fiancé

Dear Confused,

This is a very important question and something you should seriously think about. Here goes my quick answer: If you are not sure, then don’t do it. Period.

You have to know that you are making the right decision before joining the military. Yes, your girlfriend may be taking it hard and she in turn may like the Navy life in the long run. There is no way to know for sure.

Let’s face it: Life happens. Suppose she never likes it? Suppose you join and you don’t like it? What happens then?

Honestly, I think it is your own ambiguity that has me more concerned. Take your time. Perhaps you really don’t know if you should join the Navy right now and that’s OK. Let me know what you decide to do.

Ms. Vicki


Dear Ms. Vicki,

My friend's husband got back from Kuwait and immediately started divorce proceedings. Tricare Health has stopped her spousal insurance and refuses to send her any supporting documents.

She can't get on state insurance until Tricare sends a letter explaining she is no longer on her husband’s policy. Every time she or her worker phones, Tricare says the same thing: "Contact the husband. He has to ask for her."

She can't afford an attorney because her husband is only giving her $200 in support. The divorce has taken a toll on her fibromyalgia and she is unable to work. She keeps trying to get her divorce finished, her healthcare locked down, and her life back on track yet the military keeps telling her to talk to her husband about support and documents.

How can she do this when he refuses to talk to her and mediation has failed? Is there a way she can cut through the red tape and start life again or does she have to submit to the silence of her husband?

Friend in Need

Dear Friend,

I am very sorry to hear about this and I really wish your friend the best. Urge her to get a divorce attorney who specializes in military cases.

One thing for sure, her husband is being a jerk and heartless by not giving her the information she needs so she can have access to healthcare. I think she has no other option but to try and get his unit command involved.

The command should tell him what he should do about supporting his wife and to release the information for her health insurance.

Readers, do you have more advice or information for others in this situation?

Ms. Vicki

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Ms. Vicki, a native of Dallas, has been the ‘Dear Abby’ for the military community since her column began in 2005. A licensed therapist and licensed clinical social worker, Ms. Vicki holds a Master of Science in social work and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology. Her column has appeared in the Washington (D.C.) Times and in the Heidelberg (Germany) Post Herald. She has been featured on CNN, CBS, ABC and NBC.

Ms. Vicki has retired from writing new columns for Although Ms. Vicki is no longer offering new advice on, you can still email military benefits questions to our Questions and Benefits team. Need military spouse career help? Email our Dear Career writers.