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Navy Boyfriend Disappeared When She Got Pregnant

Ms. Vicki

Dear Ms. Vicki,

I was in a relationship with a Navy guy for four years, and I got pregnant this past July. He said he was going to help me and be responsible for the baby.

We had a fight and now he won't answer my phone calls or Facebook messages. We are not married, but he isn't married to anyone else, either.

I'm from Mexico, and I don't know U.S. laws, and I'm afraid that he moved away and left me all alone with the baby.

Thanks, Ms. Vicki. I hope you can help me!

-- Pregnant and desperate

Dear Desperate,

I think what you have to realize is that even after four years of dating, you probably don't know much about this guy. That's a sad commentary because most people report better outcomes with longevity in a relationship.

Think about it: You don't know how to get in touch with him and you didn't say anything about knowing his family or friends. If you do know them, you might think about contacting them to learn his whereabouts.

I'm not surprised that he has blocked you from Facebook and is not returning your messages. It happens all of the time. What he promised you means nothing. He can say one thing and do another, as in this case.

You should also know that when you do get in contact with him, he will say "the baby is not mine" and you will need to take a DNA test as soon as you can. The cards are in his favor even more because you are not his wife. I know this doesn't sound fair to you.

Lastly, I don't think this will help, but you can try to find out what unit he is in and try to leave a message for him or speak with his commander. Again, I really don't see them getting involved because, as you reported, you are not married.

Now, after paternity is proven, you will have grounds for child support. In the meantime, you should get ready to be the best single parent you can be. You should search for opportunities for economic and educational stability because your ex-boyfriend may never step up and support you or the baby.

I wish you well, and I hope you have family and close friends who are willing to be supportive. Thank you for writing me.

-- Ms. Vicki

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Contributor

Ms. Vicki is a native of Dallas, has been the Dear Abby for the military community since her column began in 2005. A licensed therapist and licensed clinical social worker, Ms. Vicki holds a Master of Science in social work and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology.

Ms. Vicki appears regularly on Military.com and in the Fort Campbell Courier. Her column has also appeared in the Washington (D.C.) Times and in the Heidelberg (Germany) Post Herald. She has been featured on CNN, CBS, ABC and NBC.

Looking for advice about your military life? Email Ms. Vicki here. Find Ms. Vicki on Facebook here.  Find Ms. Vicki on Twitter here.

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