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My Girlfriend Doesn't Act Like a Lady

Ms. Vicki

Dear Ms. Vicki,

My girlfriend keeps telling me to treat her like a lady. Here's the problem: She never acts like a lady.

On our first date, I took her to a restaurant and she flirted with the waiter right in front of me. She didn't say, "Hey waiter, I want to go home with you." But her body language, giggles and flirting suggested that she would have if he wanted her too.

The next time we went out, I took her to one of my unit Hail and Farewells, and I noticed that she was touchy-feely with the fellas.

Most of the women who attended the Hail and Farewell were angry because of the trashy way she was acting. I confronted her later, and she said she can't help herself when she has too much to drink.

Now she keeps telling me I don't treat her like a lady. I don't take her shopping enough or spend enough money on her. She expects me to pay her cell phone bill and other bills too.

It's like she wants to do whatever she wants and act trashy, but I'm supposed to be the great guy and treat her like a queen. I don't know how to get us to a place of compromise so she can understand my point about this.


Dear Noah,

This girl is not a lady and nothing you do will make her act like one.

You said it yourself: She flirts with everyone right in your face. She is very disrespectful toward you. She thinks that your money is her money. She expects you to pay her bills and keep her in the finest of everything.

What you don't understand is that flirting with other men in your face is to let you know that she will always have another man to replace you in an instant.

This kind of woman loves military men. She meets one military man who introduces her to other military men. This way, she keeps a man with a job. She stays close to a money source. Don't get caught up with this girl.

I think you should take a step back and realize you should leave her alone before you are in a lot of trouble.

In closing, let me remind you of something my grandmother used to say: "You can put clothes and make-up on a pig and bring it in your house, and right before your eyes you will learn that it's still a pig."

Let me know what you decide to do, Noah.

Ms. Vicki

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Ms. Vicki, a native of Dallas, has been the ‘Dear Abby’ for the military community since her column began in 2005. A licensed therapist and licensed clinical social worker, Ms. Vicki holds a Master of Science in social work and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology. Her column has appeared in the Washington (D.C.) Times and in the Heidelberg (Germany) Post Herald. She has been featured on CNN, CBS, ABC and NBC.

Ms. Vicki has retired from writing new columns for Although Ms. Vicki is no longer offering new advice on, you can still email military benefits questions to our Questions and Benefits team. Need military spouse career help? Email our Dear Career writers.