In Afghanistan, Out Of This Marriage

Ask Ms. Vicki

Dear Ms. Vicki,

My husband is currently deployed in Afghanistan for 10 months. After two months of marriage, my husband said he wanted to separate from me because of the deployment and because of another woman.

After I found out about his infidelity, I tried to make it work by forgiving him and not trying to add any stress to him while he is overseas. But he is so up and down. One minute he loves me and wants to work on the marriage. The next minute he doesn’t and tells me we need to separate.

On Oct. 15th,  he abandonned me by taking his name off the lease and turning the lights off. He does not want to pay bills anymore because he no longer wants to be responsible for me. Then he threatened me and said that this is just what’s to come. Now he just wants a divorce.

I’m not working because he told me I didn’t have to work. Stupid me, I listened to him. Now I’m stressing on how to pay these bills and find a job. I am in the process of trying to find an attorney for the divorce.

I have not received any documents stating he wants a divorce yet, but I know it’s coming. I contacted a chaplain to see if there's any type of assistance to help me but I don’t know anymore.

I am so tired, Ms. Vicki, of fighting with him and this marriage. I tried so hard to make this marriage work, and for him to just give up on me like I’m nothing really hurts.

I tried contacting him, but he’s not responding to my calls or emails. I have so many questions, and I am getting few answers. What should I do at this point? Is there anyone I can talk to get money garnished from his checks so I don’t have to keep contacting him?

I just need his support until the divorce or until he returns from Afghanistan. Is that too much to ask for?

Sincerely,
Sade

Dear Sade,

What in the world is your husband talking about -- you need to separate?? Jeesh, he’s in Afghanistan, for goodness sake. Isn’t that separation enough?

With that in mind, it sounds like he is out of the marriage: literally gone (emotionally, physically and financially). However, he cannot abandoned you and not provide any support to you.

You need to contact his rear command and let them know what is going on. He will have to provide support until a divorce settlement is complete.

Now, you must take him seriously and start moving forward to protect yourself. You need to get some legal advice. Don’t sit by and let him have the ball in his court. Trust me, it won’t be to your benefit.

It sounds like your husband is taking advantage of you in such a short marriage. Well, you deserve better. If he waffles and acts like he is changing his mind, don’t believe him.

I know this is difficult and I hope you have some close family and friends who can help you during this difficult and stressful time. Again, the rear commander and others are still at the unit to handle matters like these. Contact them and contact Legal. Now.

Sincerely,
Ms. Vicki

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About

Ms. Vicki is a native of Dallas, is married to an active-duty Soldier and has three sons. She has a Master's of Science in Social Work from the University of Louisville, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and currently works as a therapist with military servicemembers and their families. She provides services for a wide array of concerns such as combat stress, PTSD, couples and marital problems, depression, grief and loss, stress and coping.

Ms. Vicki also writes an advice column "Dear Ms. Vicki" that appears in the Washington Times, the Fort Campbell Courier and the Heidelberg Herald Post. Ms. Vicki also hosts an internet radio show and blogs on her community site with the Washington Times. If you want to ask Ms. Vicki for advice about your military life, please email her at AskMsVicki@military-inc.com.

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