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Her Husband Won't Tell Her His Address. Is Divorce Imminent?

Ms. Vicki

Dear Ms. Vicki,

My husband and I have been married since 2013. He went into the Army in August 2014  and went to Korea. We hardly talked while he was there, and we would argue all the time.

He is now at Fort Polk, and he sent me a text saying that he wants a divorce. I called him and we talked, and he said if I don't want a divorce then he doesn't either. But I don't think he wants me to visit, he won't tell me his address and, when I call him, he doesn't answer his phone.

Related: Military Divorce

I just want to be with my husband. What do I do? Please help.

Sincerely,
JAH

Dear JAH,

I think your husband isn't speaking to you for a reason: HE'S OUT!

You haven't been together in almost two years, and you've had very little communication. Now he's moved do a different duty station, and he's not talking at to you at all: This is obviously not good.

Think about it: At Fort Polk, people don't know you. They may not even know that he is married. I've seen this happen many times. A service member leaves his wife or she leaves her husband and reports to a new duty station, and they never return for the wife or husband who was left behind. This is almost certainly what's happened with you and your husband.

No man waits around unattached for almost two years without picking up a side boo. You know I'm right, don't you? Now, in your defense, he can't leave you destitute. You should have a military ID card, which will grant you access to the nearest base or post where you can shop and get health care, etc. He should also be supporting you financially.

So here are my two suggestions: First, does his family know how to get in touch with him? Surely they would encourage him to call his wife. Second, if you look online, you can get the number for the "post locator" at Fort Polk. They can give you the name and number of your husband's unit. You can ask to speak to his commander or first sergeant. Let them know what's going on, and they will make him call you.

Of course, he will be angry about this, but as my grandmother would say: "Pick your poison." You can't have it both ways.

Let me know what happens, OK?

Thanks for writing me,
Ms. Vicki

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Contributor

Ms. Vicki is a native of Dallas, has been the Dear Abby for the military community since her column began in 2005. A licensed therapist and licensed clinical social worker, Ms. Vicki holds a Master of Science in social work and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology.

Ms. Vicki appears regularly on Military.com and in the Fort Campbell Courier. Her column has also appeared in the Washington (D.C.) Times and in the Heidelberg (Germany) Post Herald. She has been featured on CNN, CBS, ABC and NBC.

Looking for advice about your military life? Email Ms. Vicki here. Find Ms. Vicki on Facebook here.  Find Ms. Vicki on Twitter here.

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