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Beware Grumpy Soldier Boyfriend

Ms. Vicki

Dear Ms. Vicki,

I've been dating my online boyfriend for a year now, and everything is so frustrating because of his attitude. He is so cranky and grumpy all of the time. I nicknamed him Mr. Crumpy.

He's stationed in Germany in Ktown or somewhere close to there. He complains about his work hours. He complains that he is still a sergeant in the Army when he works harder that anyone in his unit and completed two deployments.

Sometimes when my Mr. Crumpy is so upset, he becomes so short and snappy with me. He calls me names, and he will hang up the phone or disconnect from FaceTime without even saying goodbye or goodnight or anything.

He will be coming back to the States next summer, and he will be stationed really close to me. I'm trying to find out what makes him tick, how to not get on his nerves so much because he is so stressed out. I want to know how to make our relationship better. Do you have any advice or words of wisdom about keeping a long distance relationship alive?

Sincerely,
Crumpy's Girl

Dear Crumpy's Girl,

You must be so desperate for a boyfriend. Think about it. You are in a long distance relationship with a man who you have never met in person.

Here is the bad part: He is already emotionally and verbally abusive toward you. If he is already hanging up the phone in your face, calling you names and acting like he really doesn't want to communicate with you, what do you think he will be like face to face?

Oh, I get it. You think you will be able to restore Mr. Crumpy and he will become an even-tempered man who adores you. Wrong!

He is already showing you who he really is. I think you are headed for a terrible relationship if, in fact, you do connect with him when he returns from Germany.

You have to ask yourself why are you willing to be with someone who mistreats and disrespects you. After all, the relationship should be sailing along quite nicely because you shouldn't have a lot of struggles because you hardly know each other.

You are rationalizing his behavior. For example, you said he's stressed. Well he's not the only one who's stressed out. Probably 60 percent of people in our country are stressed.

What you should do is stop contacting him. You should leave him alone and not accept any more calls from him. Don't return his emails. Don't FaceTime him.

What do you have to lose at this point? Nothing but your self-esteem and your self-worth by trying to make a guy love you who obviously doesn't. You have to figure out why you are so willing to be with a man who mistreats you.

As you can see, Mr. Crumpy doesn't get my vote. I don't like him. That's my final answer. I think you should drop him and keep moving. It will be interesting to know what you decide to do. Let me know.

Sincerely,
Ms. Vicki

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Contributor

Ms. Vicki is a native of Dallas, has been the Dear Abby for the military community since her column began in 2005. A licensed therapist and licensed clinical social worker, Ms. Vicki holds a Master of Science in social work and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology.

Ms. Vicki appears regularly on Military.com and in the Fort Campbell Courier. Her column has also appeared in the Washington (D.C.) Times and in the Heidelberg (Germany) Post Herald. She has been featured on CNN, CBS, ABC and NBC.

Looking for advice about your military life? Email Ms. Vicki here. Find Ms. Vicki on Facebook here.  Find Ms. Vicki on Twitter here.

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