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Barred From Post for Domestic Dispute

Ms. Vicki

Dear Ms. Vicki,

Due to a domestic disturbance my husband and I had back in January, I am being barred from post. I am pregnant and a Type-1 insulin dependent diabetic.

My husband's first sergeant and commander refuse to help me and are forcing my husband and me to get a divorce. They have threatened him with an Article 15. They have also threatened other soldiers and their wives with Article 15s if they have any contact with me.

I have no place to go and my husband's command told him if he in any way helps me, he will be arrested and kicked out of the Army.

I just got out of the hospital after four days of being in a diabetic coma, severe dehydration, malnourishment, extremely low CO2 levels and being dilated to 1cm (I am only 21 weeks pregnant).

I take very good care of myself but since my husband's first sergeant has harassed other soldiers and their wives, I have no help or way to get to my doctor's appointments or get groceries, or even have money to buy them for that matter. Now they are trying to pin it all on my husband.

They also would not help with transportation home from the hospital and said it was my problem. I have no idea what to do, and I do not want to end up on the streets, but I do not want to fight with fire and get my husband in any more trouble than they have caused. I need help.

Sincerely,
Barred and Pregnant

Dear Barred and Pregnant,

I have to admit, in all of my years as an Army wife and working as a clinician with the Family Advocacy Program on several military installations, I have never seen disdain like this for any spouse -- especially a pregnant spouse.

To the contrary, FAP provides advocacy and resources to help the spouse and the service member. I have never known them to take part in barring a spouse, let alone a pregnant spouse, from post when there has been a domestic violence incident.

In most situations, I have seen FAP and commanders work together to keep the service member from the home for a cooling off period and until treatment can be started, like individual and couples therapy, group therapy, as well as other classes like anger and stress management.

Also, your doctor, nurses and other hospital resources were supposed to make sure you were released from the hospital with proper discharge planning, especially because you were experiencing so many medical problems. Are you saying the hospital simply released you to the streets?

Where is your husband in all of this? His commander and first sergeant can't order him to leave you destitute.  

I think there is something missing from your story. You should have a therapist or a case manager assigned to work with you. In addition, you should also have a Victims Advocate to help provide advocacy, support and resources.

Please know that I am concerned about you and your baby. Reach out to close family who are willing to be supportive to you at this time, but you should also contact the person who was assigned to you from family advocacy (FAP) and the victims advocate (VA). Let me hear from you.

Sincerely,
Ms. Vicki

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Contributor

Ms. Vicki is a native of Dallas, has been the Dear Abby for the military community since her column began in 2005. A licensed therapist and licensed clinical social worker, Ms. Vicki holds a Master of Science in social work and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology.

Ms. Vicki appears regularly on Military.com and in the Fort Campbell Courier. Her column has also appeared in the Washington (D.C.) Times and in the Heidelberg (Germany) Post Herald. She has been featured on CNN, CBS, ABC and NBC.

Looking for advice about your military life? Email Ms. Vicki here. Find Ms. Vicki on Facebook here.  Find Ms. Vicki on Twitter here.

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