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A Real-Life 'Fatal Attraction' Scenario

Ms. Vicki

Dear Ms. Vicki,

I'm really embarrassed to write to you for advice, but I need your help and it's an emergency. I'm caught in a real-life fatal attraction and I'm scared as hell.

This woman is an E-6, she won't leave me alone and now she's threatening me and my family.

I don't want to tell you my duty station because I'm in real fear that I could lose my career.

I showed that I cared for a person at a low point in her life over a period of about two to three months. I was new to my unit then, and I will be taking command of a company in August, only now the woman won't leave me alone! She says I led her on and made promises to her. She is crazy! How can I make promises to her when I'm already married?

She calls my cell phone constantly, and she even drives by my house. One Saturday, I came home from getting a haircut and there she was, standing on my front porch, talking to my wife! She pretended that she worked for a cable company and was selling high speed internet services. I freaked out!

Ms. Vicki, I was there for this woman as a friend and, yes, we ended up hugging and caressing one night when we were both working late. I kissed her once. That's it. I never told her I was leaving my wife or that I wanted to be with her. Now she's acting all fragile and like she is losing her mind over this.

I don't know what to do but I can't lose my wife and my career over this woman.

-- Fatal Attraction

Dear Fatal Attraction,

I need to catch my readers up. You and I have emailed each other twice about this now, and you provided me with more information after I asked you questions and voiced some concerns.

You finally admitted to me that you did more than just kiss the E-6. You admitted that you had sex with her once, and that tells me that you probably actually had sex with her a few times.

Please allow me to give a shout out to you and to any other married men reading: Stop Comforting Other Women! It will only lead to you having sex with them.

Why?

First, because when you do, you start thinking with the equipment in your pants and not with the brain in your head.

Second, women have plenty of female friends to talk to. We thrive on friendships. It's how we're wired. In fact, when you meet a woman who says, "I don't like women," or "I don't get along with women and prefer to be around men," you need to run. Trust me, she's cray-cray. She's another sort of species.

Third, and this is both for you and for all of my male readers, this woman saw you coming from a mile away. What you and other men should know is that women can be hunters too. She saw you, she wanted you and she decided she would stop at nothing to get time with you.

It sounds like she played you and she played the game most women like to play. They pretend to be a damsel in distress because they know men love to be helpers and conquerors. As a married man and a leader, what you should have done then was connect her to other women in the unit, other female leaders and other resources. The last thing you want her to do is to start depending on you for anything.

Now, in your defense, she is definitely behaving like someone who has lost touch with reality. She is angry because she wants what she wants and that happens to be you.

Here's my advice: First, you need to tell your wife because you don't know what this woman might do. Your first priority is to protect your wife.

After you do that, you need to file an order of protection against this woman. That may get her attention, but it could also make her angrier. Either way, she will get arrested if she comes near your wife and your home.

Finally, block her number, block her from Facebook and from any other social networks you use.

Be prepared to take this to your commander if she continues and be prepared to face any consequences.

Stay in touch with me and let me know what happens.

-- Ms. Vicki

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Contributor

Ms. Vicki is a native of Dallas, has been the Dear Abby for the military community since her column began in 2005. A licensed therapist and licensed clinical social worker, Ms. Vicki holds a Master of Science in social work and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology.

Ms. Vicki appears regularly on Military.com and in the Fort Campbell Courier. Her column has also appeared in the Washington (D.C.) Times and in the Heidelberg (Germany) Post Herald. She has been featured on CNN, CBS, ABC and NBC.

Looking for advice about your military life? Email Ms. Vicki here. Find Ms. Vicki on Facebook here.  Find Ms. Vicki on Twitter here.

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