He Broke UCMJ Article 134, But Where’s His Lover?

Ms. Vicki

Dear Ms. Vicki,

Last October, my Master Sergeant husband decided to leave me, a military spouse, for a young, female Captain. An  investigation was conducted and I was asked to provide information. I provided proof from a tracking device and recorded conversations between my husband and me.

My question is, why was I not told of the outcome? My estranged husband stated that he was asked to retire early and he agreed -- a sign that they found he broke UCMJ article 134. As for the female, she was on the Major’s promotion list. I have no idea if she was allowed to continue on her career path.

By not allowing the spouse or others to know of the outcome, it seems that the military is condoning the bad behavior. Please include the name of organizations that help military spouses move or get back on their feet after divorcing a corrupt service member with your answer.

-- D

Dear D,

I’m really very sorry to hear about the way things ended between you and your husband. I can see that you are still in shock about everything he did. UCMJ Article 134 is often used to prosecute adultery in the military.

Moreover, you’re thinking they got away their affair and received nothing more than a slap on the wrist. This is far from the hurt that you experienced. I can’t say exactly why you were not formally apprised about the decision.

From your report, it sounds like your husband’s mistress was promoted and is continuing on with her career and your estranged husband was allowed to retire. At this point, this is about you moving on and being emotionally healthy. It will be tough, but you have to work on being at peace with everything.

It is very important that you have legal representation during your divorce. If I were you, I wouldn’t sign anything or agree to anything without an attorney, and preferably an attorney who has experience with military divorces. You can contact Ex-Partners of ServiceMembers For Equality (EX-POSE)..

They provide information for spouses regarding separation and/or divorce from active duty, reserve or retired military service members and also help military service members with their questions regarding separation and divorce. They inform spouses about their eligibility for a potential share of the military pension and explain the benefits and requirements of the Survivor Benefit Plan (SBP). They provide to EX-POSE members an attorney referral service, publish three annual newsletters and inform spouses about potential changes to the laws affecting their rights, benefits and future interests.

You can also contact them at (703) 941-5844. I hope this is helpful. Please keep in touch with me and let me know how you are doing. He may have broken UCMJ article 134, but you can keep moving forward.

-- Ms. Vicki

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Contributor

Ms. Vicki, a native of Dallas, has been the ‘Dear Abby’ for the military community since her column began in 2005. A licensed therapist and licensed clinical social worker, Ms. Vicki holds a Master of Science in social work and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology. Her column has appeared in the Washington (D.C.) Times and in the Heidelberg (Germany) Post Herald. She has been featured on CNN, CBS, ABC and NBC.

Ms. Vicki has retired from writing new columns for Military.com. Although Ms. Vicki is no longer offering new advice on Military.com, you can still email military benefits questions to our Questions and Benefits team. Need military spouse career help? Email our Dear Career writers.

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