Most Popular Relationships Articles

Ask Ms. Vicki: Comings and Goings

Ask Ms. Vicki

Dear Ms. Vicki,

I was deployed at Dover Port Mortuary. I saw my share of death and of hundreds of casualty reports. I wonder if it is really worth it. I come home and in a matter of four weeks, I get thrown out from girlfriend's house, I start drinking 1-2 beers a night, I got my wallet stolen with $1500 in it, I play the slots and lottery 3-4 nights a week. I have old bills mounting up! My sister has cancer. My brother has lost his job! Oh, I live in a rooming house. I am 50 years old! Life is great! How in the heck can a 50-year old man set in his ways be helped? Yeah, I didn't think so! I'm screwed!

Dear Sir,

I know this is tough. It sounds like you are going through a lot, but you have to reach out for help before it gets worse. It seems like everything is spiraling downward, including you. I'm not blaming you; I'm just asking that you reach out for professional help. You have experienced a lot of loss, and have seen a lot of casualties. You've had significant family loss and stress. This is affecting your overall health and well-being, as it would anyone. Let me know where you are and I will check on the availability of resources for you . Please let me know you are okay.

Sincerely,
Ms. Vicki

---

Dear Ms. Vicki,

Hi, I hope you can help me, because I didn't find the answer on the website. I met someone on a dating site, who says he is working for the US Air Force as a Master Sergeant, and is currently at Afghanistan. He says the deployment will be done by December. He seems very serious with the relationship; he calls from there using a Telstra Satellite Mobile Connect, and we chat using Yahoo messenger. But I don't know how to ask him [if he's for real]. You know we cannot trust too much, and believe everything people say, that's why I searched in Military.com trying to find out if is true, and could not find him. Do you think that some military personnel are not in the list? He also says that I have to send an email to his superior asking for his leave, but maybe I have to help him with some money for the ticket because he has no money. I know many man lie, so I sending this email to you, as a woman, not as a member of the military community. So please, if you think you can help me, I will be so happy to receive your answer.

Sincerely,
Be blessed

Dear Blessed,

I really hope that you did not send this guy any money. Obviously this is a very popular scheme that's going around on dating sites where men are pretending to be in the armed forces. Only they need someone to send money so they can come home on leave. Moreover, that someone needs to speak to a commander so that he can be given permission to come home for leave. This is where the "lies" are exposed. There is no such thing -- if you are in the U.S. armed forces you would not have to speak to a commanding officer to get permission to leave, and you would not need money for travel. His travel should be paid for and he would not have to pay a dime. I received a recent letter from a woman who spoke with a "so-called" commanding officer. He told her to send $2500 so this person could get a plane ticket and be granted permission to leave. She sent the money and never heard from them again. Here's the deal: Do not have any contact with this person again. Don't give them any more information about you, such as personal information like your address. Leave him alone, it's a SCAM! I hope you are okay.

Sincerely,
Ms. Vicki

---

Dear Ms. Vicki,

I have a few questions. I really hope you can help me out. I've been reading people's answers, but they are all over the place. My boyfriend is going through BMT right now. When he is finished with Tech school, he comes back for 12 days. We want to schedule our court house wedding during his leave. We were hoping I would be able to go with him ASAP, since we would be married. If I have my marriage license who do we have to present the paper work to in order to get on the marriage housing list? If there is no space available on base, would we be able to live on base ASAP? Thanks for your time.

Sincerely,
Milly

Dear Milly,

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding. Your fiancé is currently in training and will be reported to his permanent duty station. First of all, when you get married you can get a military ID card. Secondly, when he reports to his new duty station you need to be on his "orders." This way, the military will pay for your travel and move all of your personal property too. Regarding housing: when you are married you will be eligible for on post housing. You or your husband will be able to go to the housing office and place your name on the housing list. If housing is available you will be given a move-in date. If housing is not available you will be given housing resources off base, like apartments and rental houses etc. Most bases will not put your name on a waiting list until you arrive at the base. If he knows where his next duty station is you can google the housing office phone number on line and call and ask questions about their housing availability. I wish you all the best. Please keep in touch if I can help you any further.

Sincerely,
Ms. Vicki

Military News App by Military.com

Download the new Military.com News App for Android on Google Play or for Apple devices on iTunes!

Contributor

Ms. Vicki is a native of Dallas, has been the Dear Abby for the military community since her column began in 2005. A licensed therapist and licensed clinical social worker, Ms. Vicki holds a Master of Science in social work and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology.

Ms. Vicki appears regularly on Military.com and in the Fort Campbell Courier. Her column has also appeared in the Washington (D.C.) Times and in the Heidelberg (Germany) Post Herald. She has been featured on CNN, CBS, ABC and NBC.

Looking for advice about your military life? Email Ms. Vicki here. Find Ms. Vicki on Facebook here.  Find Ms. Vicki on Twitter here.

© 2016 Military Advantage