Then there were days when those hassles seemed trivial - when the news brought fresh reports of U.S. soldiers being killed and wounded in Iraq.

"They never say where it happens at first," said Olmon, whose husband, Phillip, a member of the Minnesota National Guard, returned home about a month ago after more than a year in Iraq. "All they say is a bomb went off or a base was hit. I quit watching the news."

Olmon said she relied heavily on her husband's unit, which helped to assemble a loose network of National Guard families who lean on each other for friendship and sympathy, as well as practical support in everything from finding help on tax returns to cleaning out the gutters.

These networks are increasingly common across the country as more military families wait out long overseas deployments.

More than 55,000 National Guard troops are deployed in Iraq, and more than 170 have died there since the war began nearly two years ago. On Monday, three Minnesota soldiers were killed by a roadside bomb, marking the Minnesota National Guard's first fatalities in Iraq.

"My stomach still dropped when I first heard it," Olmon said.

Unlike families of active-duty soldiers, who often live on military bases with built-in support networks, Guard families are more dispersed and may not have the expertise to navigate bureaucracies and access certain benefits.

To help remedy that, the Department of Defense implemented a series of Family Assistance Centers in all 50 states, staffed by consultants who give Guard families help with legal issues, insurance and financial questions, household problems and whatever else might come up.

"In order for a soldier to be safe on a mission, they have to know that their family is cared for at home," said Gail Mossman, one of the consultants in Minnesota, which has eight centers.

Sgt. Gwen Zimmerman is family liaison for Battery E of the Minnesota Guard's 151st Field Artillery Unit, based in Anoka. She has a unique perspective on the job - her husband, Steve, is among the 20 or so members of the unit still stationed in Iraq out of an initial force of about 75.

Even as Zimmerman has helped Olmon and others negotiate their own troubles, she's navigated her own - like last spring, when a windstorm blew over the family's barn near Princeton.

"Murphy's Law of military wives always prevails," said Zimmerman, whose husband is expected home next month.

Ann Marie Roder remembers the day last summer when the air conditioning broke down - again. Her husband, Mark, who also is expected to come home next month, had been in Iraq more than six months at the time.

"He happened to call that night," she recalled. "I was sitting on the living room floor, crying."

Still, Monday's news that three Minnesota Guardsmen had been killed brought a stark reminder of the risks that soldiers face.

Olmon said she immediately thought of Roder and Zimmerman, whose husbands turned out to be safe. Then she realized three other families would be getting the dreaded call.

"Your heart just breaks," Zimmerman said.

Roder and Olmon both volunteer to help out Zimmerman's efforts. Roder is the coordinator of the Family Readiness Group, a support group. Olmon is co-coordinator of a phone tree that springs into action when news filters over from Iraq, or if other information needs to be spread.

"It's a camaraderie that I don't think anyone else could be aware of," Olmon said.

She said the support networks, along with help from family and friends, got her through her rockiest stretches.

"I spent more time on the phone crying, and laughing, and hollering, than you can imagine," Olmon said. "It was agonizing and it was traumatic. But it was a learning experience. Parts of it, I know I grew from. And parts of it I never want to go through again."

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