Vicki: Christmas Bliss or Christmas Bust?

Ms. Vicki

Dear Ms. Vicki,

I need your help with the biggest decision of my life. This is the third year that I have been waiting for my boyfriend to propose to me. We have been together for six years.

At Christmas 2014, I thought he would propose to me. I was so happy because his sister told me he had purchased a ring and he was going to give it to me on his knees in front of his family. We are both stationed at Fort Hood, and I went home with him to Seattle.

To my surprise, it never happened. I was shocked and I was stunned. His sister couldn't explain to me what happened, and I wasn't supposed to know anything about the ring.

At Christmas 2015, we were in Baltimore with my family, and I had a feeling this would be the big moment for me. I kept trying to create the right moment in my mind that he would pop the big question. And, again, I was disappointed because it never happened.

You have to understand, Ms. Vicki, I have never been the type of girl who just sleeps around, and I never expected that I would be living long term with my boyfriend, hoping he would marry me. We were college sweethearts, we were in ROTC together and we were commissioned on the same day.

Now, it seems like my boyfriend is satisfied with the status quo. He even told me that I am putting pressure on him to marry me. I want to be married to him because I love him, but it's not like I can't take care of myself.

Here I am again, looking forward to another Christmas and thinking my boyfriend will propose to me. We are leaving on the 23rd, heading to Cancun for Christmas.

Do you think this is my Christmas destination wedding, or a Christmas Bust?

-- Wedding

Dear Wedding,

Don't get your hopes up. This is another Christmas bust! The handwriting is on the wall about your relationship. It's written in permanent marker. He has no plans for marrying you -- probably not ever.

You are right: He is very comfortable. I won't give you the adage, "If you give a man the milk for free, why should he buy the cow." Besides, your generation thinks this is corny language that doesn't mean a thing. Many people live together before marriage, you think.

However, studies show the longer you live together, the chances go up that marriage will never happen. And that's probably the situation you are in.

You have been living together for a long time, and you want to be married. This is why you have been allowing your boyfriend to string you along for three years in a row, hoping he will propose to you. But he hasn't. Chances are, he won't propose this Christmas either. I think you have been reading the wrong signals.

And that brings me to my last point. You have been together for six years. Why in the world do you want a proposal? Are you looking for an engagement? At this point, I wouldn't. You have been together long enough to get a marriage license and your favorite preacher, priest or clergy, and say "I do."

I mean, if you get engaged at this point, you are looking at a 10-year relationship with no marriage. This is cool if you don't want marriage, but you do want to be married.

In other words, you need a commitment and a date. And that brings me to my last point: I don't think this guy is committed to you. I think you will write me later and tell me that you have gone your separate ways.

I hope you enjoy the Christmas holidays. Don't get your hopes up for a proposal. Write me again after the New Year and let me know what happened.

-- Ms. Vicki

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Family and Spouse Marriage