By Captain Gene Thomas Gomulka
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Dear Gene-Thomas,
My husband and I got married shortly after he returned from Iraq. Our son was born during his second deployment. Now that he has returned for the third time, the Marine Corps is offering him a huge bonus if he reenlists. While we can use the money, I don't know if he, our son and I can continue to survive...
Mary Ann
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Dear Mary Ann,
When I decided to entitle my book The Survival Guide for Marriage in the Military, I recognized that couples can only “survive” so many challenges. It is well known that the high operational tempo has contributed to increased divorce rates, and back-to-back-to-back deployments have deeply affected the lives particularly of Marine Corps and Army personnel who have suffered more than 95% of the U.S. casualties in the war on terrorism.
During the Vietnam War when our country did not rely upon an all-volunteer force, most personnel were sent into combat ordinarily for no more than 12-13 months. With Marines that deploy for 6-7 month periods already on their third combat tours in Iraq and Afghanistan, and with Army units that deploy for 12 months at a time on their second tours, it remains to be seen what long-term affects this will have not only upon recruitment, retention, and family life, but also upon the psychological and emotional well-being of some 80,000 Marines, and twice that number of soldiers who have served in Iraq to date.
The Surgeon General of the Army, LtGen Kevin Kiley, recently reported that 30 percent of troops returning from Iraq have developed stress-related mental health problems that include anxiety, depression, nightmares and anger. While noting that these problems may not surface until three to six months following their return home, he admitted that a smaller percentage of troops are also being diagnosed and treated for post-traumatic stress disorder.
As the military seeks to bolster recruitment by raising its recruitment age and promote retention by offering tax free bonuses of $20,000, it has to recognize that because more than half of all service members are married, decisions in these matters will normally not be made without consulting one's spouse. Just how much combat stress can our personnel take, and how much family separation are service members and their spouses and children willing to endure?
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Having recently spoken at a Marine Parents United Conference in Kansas City, I met parents and spouses like yourself who are proud of the sacrifices their loved ones are making, but equally concerned for their safety and what lies ahead in the future. A wife of a deployed Marine, after listening to my talk and obtaining a copy of my book to strengthen her marriage and reduce the chances of a divorce, shared that she and her husband have decided to wait until after his return to see what non-operational orders he might be offered before deciding about staying in or getting out of the military.
You and your husband may also wish to consider waiting until after his return before making your decision. What his chances might be of redeploying, what he would do outside of the military, and where you would live, are only but a few questions that would be wise to discuss together.
Gene-Thomas Gomulka
Columnist and author whose books are available at www.plaintec.net
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© 2005 Gene Thomas Gomulka. All opinions
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