By Captain Gene Thomas Gomulka
[Have an opinion about this article? Visit
the deployment
discussion forum.]
Dear Gene-Thomas,
I'm writing to thank you for your book that my wife gave me three weeks ago in anticipation of Father's Day. After being married seven years, it helped us revaluate our priorities and identify ways in which we could be better spouses and parents.….I will encourage our chaplain to order some for other troops, particularly in light of our upcoming deployment.”
Bob
---
Dear Bob,
I'm glad that you and your wife found The Survival Guide for Marriage in the Military helpful in your relationship. One of the reasons I believe it was a very appropriate Father's Day present has to do with the saying, “The greatest gift a father can give his children is to love their mother.” By using this tool that has enhanced your love for your wife, you are also increasing your children's ability to give and receive love in their lives.
Children learn far more from what their parents do than from what they say. By observing you and your wife in your daily interaction with one another, your children come away either strengthened or weakened in their own self-image as persons who are the incarnation (i.e., visible manifestation) of their parent's love. When children live in a hostile environment in which their parents are always fighting, might they come to believe that they may have been “accidents?”
A few years ago a serviceman came to me for counseling and admitted that he had not been the most dedicated and loving husband and father. When he asked what he could do to show his wife and children that he really loved him, I gave him some advice and asked him to do something “out of the ordinary” the upcoming Sunday. Because he told me that his wife would take the children to church while he would sleep-in, I asked him to surprise his wife on Sunday by going with her and the kids to church. I also recommended that he take the family out for brunch after the services and, seeing that they lived near the beach, I told him to go for a walk on the beach and give his wife a very loving kiss in front of his children.
How many children grow up in homes where they witness their parents often fighting and screaming? Children are psychologically far better off when they grow up in homes reminiscent of the line in the song, “I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus underneath the mistletoe last night.” Why do some people only kiss on special occasions? How hard or expensive is it for spouses to give each other spontaneous hugs and kisses?
|
The importance of couples avoiding hostility, ridicule and other such behaviors is best understood in the following advice often given to new parents: If your child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn. If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight. If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy. If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty. If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient. If a child lives with encouragement, he learns confidence. If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate. If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice. If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith. If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself. If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he learns to find love in the world.
Thanks for the positive feedback about my book. I sincerely hope your children will grow up knowing how very much their father loves their mother. It's that kind of love that helps families make it through deployments and other challenges we face in military life.
[Have an opinion about this article?
Visit the deployment
discussion forum.]
Have a question? Write Gene Gomulka at letters@plaintec.net
© 2005 Gene Thomas Gomulka. All opinions
expressed in this article are the author's and do not necessarily
reflect those of Military.com. |
