By Captain Gene Thomas Gomulka
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Dear Gene-Thomas, My daughter called to tell me that she and
her husband who just returned from Iraq are getting a divorce. She
said that she knows a number of other couples whose marriages are
also falling apart. Is the military handling this problem the same
way it’s been dealing with unarmored humvees?
A concerned and upset Dad
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Dear Dad,
I can understand why you are justifiably upset. Based on a review
of documents and interviews with officers, soldiers, analysts and
industry officials, it seems that the armor shortage that contributed
to 40 percent of hostile fire deaths "had more to do with Pentagon
missteps than any lack of industrial capacity." Likewise, I believe
many young military marriages are "crashing and burning" for similar
reasons.
When I spoke with a Family Support Center counselor a month ago
at a very large training command, she said that she could use 10,000
copies of Marriage and Military Life to make available to 20% of
the recruits who will be married within one year of completing basic
training. Having used the relationship inventory in the past, she
was well aware of its effectiveness in promoting wise decisions
about marriage and helping to reduce high military divorce rates.
However, because of a lack of funding from Washington, she informed
me she could not provide these materials to recruits.
Two weeks ago a Family Advocacy counselor wrote, "I have reviewed
your books and think they are outstanding. I have a possible funding
source…with the Officers Spouses Organization." A chaplain also
wrote and said how a religious group was able to provide money to
help him buy the materials for an upcoming marriage retreat for
his personnel. Why do counselors and chaplains have to go to such
sources for funding instead of receiving it from their local commands
or those who are in charge of the various counseling agencies and
chaplain resource boards of the armed services?
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Last week the mother of a deployed Marine wrote: "I ordered two
copies of The Survival Guide for Marriage in the Military for my
son and his girlfriend who are planning to marry. I read it myself
and found it to be very clear and very user friendly. It's wonderful
to be able to provide him with a clear cut, common sense guide.
Thank you for publishing it." While I appreciated her complimentary
letter, I could only ask why parents are providing our personnel
with such tools instead of the military? Just as DOD and military
leaders should provide armor protection for personnel riding in
humvees, so too should they also provide effective tools that can
save our dedicated young men and women (and any children they might
have) from troubled marriages and the multiple consequences associated
with divorce.
The bottom line is that most elected officials and many of those
responsible for funding such matters do not themselves have sons
or daughters serving in the armed services. Consequently, they lack
a sense of urgency in armoring our vehicles and promoting strong
marriages. However, while it may be too late to save your daughter's
marriage and bring back those who lost their lives in unarmored
vehicles, it's not too late for you and others to write to your
Senators and Congressmen demanding that the military provide our
personnel with proper support both in combat and in their family
lives. When civilian contractors are contracted who can meet orders
for armor plating of vehicles, and when parents, spouses and church
groups no longer have to provide funding for military marriage materials,
then I'll know your efforts have proven successful.
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Visit the deployment
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Have a question? Write Gene Gomulka at letters@plaintec.net
© 2005 Gene Thomas Gomulka. All opinions
expressed in this article are the author's and do not necessarily
reflect those of Military.com.
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