- "I think I must've left those nuclear launch codes in that bag of fries I had to hide from Hillary last week."
- Mel Gibson no longer has a hangover.
- Juan Williams discovers that trashing Muslims is an excellent career move.
- Spying on America before stripping down to your underwear is also an outstanding way to get famous.
- Bob Guccione was the first to show millions of boys things they'd never thought they'd see.
