It’s too soon.
You know that now, right? Wayyyyyy too soon.
It’s not that people aren’t a little sympathetic to you. We are.
And it’s not that you don’t look lovely standing next to that handsome E7 Army Recruiter in his ASUs. You do. You two make a really cute couple.
It’s that -- due to no fault of your own -- you are closely associated with a moment of national mourning. With an unfathomable horror. With an event that has left much of the country crying and scratching our collective heads.
You can’t really expect people to celebrate with you when we all expect you to be mourning.
That’s why the GoFundMe page you set up this week for your wedding and honeymoon went over like … well, like your brother had just murdered nine innocent people and two weeks later you were asking strangers to help you fund your “dream honeymoon.”
We are strangers who know you only because of your brother, Dylann Roof, and what he did to those praying people in Charleston’s Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church.
Listen, nobody blames you for what your brother did. You’ve been very vocal about how awful you think his actions were. You are definitely not defending him.
And we are sympathetic that, because your brother massacred those people just four days before your scheduled wedding, you had to cancel your big day.
(That was the right thing to do, by the way.)
But, since you plan to be a military spouse soon, let me give you a little advice:
You and Michael can go to the courthouse and have a quiet little ceremony. You can do that right away. You don’t have to wait to start your lives together.
(Also, it probably is a really great time to change your last name. I’m not even going to put Michael’s last name in here. You guys deserve a fresh start.)
Later — much later — you can have your big wedding.
Once you marry that E7 you’ll be a tan-card carrying military spouse — and you’ll be amazed at how common it is in the military community to have two anniversaries. Some people even celebrate both! There’s one for the day you had the courthouse wedding and one for the day you had the big event.
Now usually this happens because of deployments, but no matter. You’ll be in well-charted territory. Plus, with two each year to celebrate, you’ll double your odds that he won’t be deployed and miss your anniversary — another really common occurrence in our community.
But no big wedding right now, okay? And definitely no crowd funding campaigns.
Right now it’s much too soon.
Editor’s Note: The GoFundMe site was removed several hours after it was posted. Below is the text Amber Roof included on the site before it was taken down:
Dear Family & Friends,
As many of you know Michael and I had to abruptly cancel our wedding day, due to the tragedy that occurred in Charleston. June 21st was suppose to be the happiest day of our lives. It is the day every girl dreams of, it was the day we dreamed of. We had each other, we have the perfect venue, and we had our vows ready to be read. We were ready! We had planned out every detail for months and months. It was going to be the PERFECT day!
Our wedding day was suppose [sic] to be the most important and special day of our lives. It was suppose [sic] to start our lives together with our new family. Our day was the exact opposite. Our wedding day was full of sorrow, pain, and shame, tainted by the actions of one man.
The Charleston Massacre took place and our lives were forever changed. The media abused our privacy and published all of our wedding information and destroyed our dream day. Destroying the first day of Michael and my life together.
We cancelled our wedding to protect our family and mourn the lives of those lost. Many friends and family members came into town and took time off of work to be there for us. We could not ask you to do that again.
We would like the chance to start our lives on a postive [sic] note. Therefore, we have decided to start a Go Fund Me account. We know money cannot replace the wedding we lost and our perfect day, however it will help us to create new memories and a new start with our new family.
Money raised will be used to cover lost wedding costs, to pay bills, and to send us on our dream honeymoon. 10% of all funds raised will be donated to Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church. We thank you for any contrabution [sic] you can make.
Our lives have been forever changed and touched by all the love and support you have shown us through this difficult time. THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF OUR HEARTS! GOD BLESS!