First and foremost, I’m thrilled you've once again advanced your career and received orders back to sea. While I’m saddened you won’t be home as much, I’m ecstatic that you’re providing for us and giving back to our country.
All that said, I might as well come clean and tell you what will most likely occur back on the home front …
Kids’ hygiene. I guarantee they won’t be the stinky kids in class, but I can also guarantee that bath time might not occur nightly. I’ll do my best to make sure that teeth are brushed (I’ll aim for twice a day ... but ... we all know how that goes …) and hair is combed so they look presentable each day. I’ll also ensure that dinner from the night before isn’t still on their faces (unless we had ketchup and, well, there’s no guarantee there).
Speaking of dinner ...
Food – Our children will be fed. I can’t promise homemade meals every night unless you count Marie Callender, Aunt Jemima, Bob Evans and Orville Redenbacher as "homemade." (I do at times, primarily because they have names. And, well, names make it sound like a person prepared it themselves then and there in our kitchen.)
Discipline – I will keep the home front running like mini boot camp with liberty days happening each day. I kid, I kid. I’ll keep it orderly, but I can almost guarantee that the items we take away now as punishment such as TV time and desserts won’t be on the discipline menu. Because honestly, when I take away those items I lose my sanity time and much-needed calories.
The house – It will get cleaned ... two hours before you walk in the door. But please feel free to imagine that each night I put on my pearls and vacuum in heels. I mean, that’s what all housewives do, right? (And if I’m being real honest I will more than likely try to find a reasonably priced cleaning lady and have her come the day before your arrival back home.)
Bedtime routine – It will still happen. I’ll try my best to have the kiddos stick to their bedtime and books and prayers will be said, but in the interest of time occasionally when I read “The Bernstein Bears” I might leave key persons out of the story, like Sister Bear, to speed things along so I can go plant myself on the couch after an amazing but exhausting day with the offspring.
Clothing – We will have more PJ days than normal, but I’ll play it off like I’m the cool mom who declares PJ day for the fourth time that week. Rest assured, I won’t wear PJs all day, but I will be rocking sweats on more occasions than not. (You better believe, though, when you walk in the door I will look like I was put together the whole time. At least that's what I hope.)
So all in all, I’ll survive, we’ll survive. Just know that Camp Bertsch will be a little relaxed and we will welcome you home with open arms (possibly with kids in their PJs) when you walk in the door.
Your Hot Mess Honest Wife
Jessica Bertsch is a proud Coastie wife and mom of a 3 1/2 year old and a 2 month old. In her “spare” time she runs Powerhouse Planning, LLC www.powerhouseplanning.com. She can be reached at email@example.com.