Why I Will Survive A Zombie Apocalypse

As a recently married Army wife, I am still not completely used to the sheer volume of equipment that soldiers must carry with them from post to post.

We have a room in our house affectionately referred to as the “TA-50 Room.” This space became necessary once I moved in with my husband and realized that his collection of outdated uniforms and unused combat boots meant my glorious stilettos were shoved into a corner of our closet.

After our last PCS move, I spent a lot of time meticulously organizing the boxes of equipment my husband has accumulated in about a decade in the Army. Usually when my husband realizes he needs a piece of gear (often something the size of a drink coaster) he has to dump out five or six completely stuffed duffel bags in order to find it. Then he sweetly promises to clean everything when he gets home-- and sprints out the door.

After witnessing this mountain of beige and green things grow multiple times in a month, I finally started organizing everything. As I began to carefully label plastic bins, I realized that we have a TON of Army stuff. Some of it is old and outdated; some things are extras that just magically appeared with the rest of my dear spouse’s belongings. We have more than a closet full when everything is put away (and it rarely is).

This realization led me to one obvious conclusion: in the event of a zombie apocalypse, we’re going to be fine.

Of course, this probably applies to most of your run-of-the-mill end of the world scenarios that seem so popular in movies and books right now. But the fact remains that we store an impressive selection of survival equipment in that extra room.

Worried about a sudden ice age? I’ve got more pairs of cold weather snow pants than pairs of jeans. Concerned about a biological attack? Never fear, for there is at least one gas mask floating around our house.

Should there be flying bits of debris in the air from a nearby meteor, I have boxes of Kevlar gear for protection. We’ve got collapsible shovels, a hunting knife, colorful scarves from Turkey (because you still need to look stylish while fleeing the undead), and a wide variety of options for holding water. We even have three different colors of camouflage gear, so I’m confident I can blend into just about any environment.

I’m still amazed by the amount of equipment soldiers are issued. But I’m getting used to it, mostly by fantasizing about situations when I would need it to kick some zombie butt. Once I figure out how to bullet proof our cat carrier, we are good to go. Magdalene Blocker is a civilian married to a soldier in the Army. They couple is currently stationed  in Ft. Hood, TX.

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