Dear Royal Baby: Be A Warrior Prince


When you are born a prince, like the newborn Prince of Cambridge, there are a lot of ways to live your life.

You can be a Prince Charming, wooing the ladies. You can be an Evil Prince, scheming for the throne. You can be a Wise Prince, living with melancholy and sadness. Or a Rebel Prince, born to privilege and given to sneering.

Personally, I think you ought to plan to head for Warrior Prince territory, Baby Prince. Not only do you get to look cute in the uniform, you get to take part in the battle yourself.  That's the life you should be aiming for.

Since you are a member of the British Royal family, you are required to serve in the military anyway. Your very birth was marked by a 41-gun royal salute from the King's Troop Royal Horse Artillery. All Her Majesty's ships, at home or abroad, are flying the Royal Navy Ensign flag to mark the occasion. That is so cool. You have job security!

Here are some things I think you need to keep in mind for your ultimate awesomeness:

Hold out for a cool name. I know everyone is expecting you to be named George or James. But as a warrior prince, I’m thinking you should angle for King Arthur or King Leonidas. Granted, you probably won’t be king until you are an old man, but Warrior Princedom goes much better if your name is not ... say, Sheldon.

Drink a lot of milk. Whether your mom decides on breast or bottle. Plan to up your calcium intake. Toting a weapon requires a strong bones, so start early.

Learn to love running. Walking is for babies. What you wanna do is run. Scoff at your toddler peers when they get all addicted to their alligator shaped rain boots. Hold out for your own combat boots. You wanna get used to running in those early so you can be like those lean, sinewy infantry guys who can run for three days without getting tired.

Study something. Your family already has princes who have been in the infantry or flown helicopters, but they don’t have a single submariner. Think of how cool it would be if you studied really hard and understood nuclear physics. How Warrior Prince is that?? You could skulk around under the Atlantic worrying people with your intentions.

Plan your badassitude.Who knows what the future holds? While we have great need for thoughtful, gentle intellectuals in world politics, maybe there is some room for being a little badass in the right way. Consider going a little Lord of the Rings on us and become an Aragorn or Legolas. Think of the hair!

Listen to your Uncle. If your Uncle Harry ever tells you that a certain Warrior Prince thing you want to do isn’t gonna fly, believe him. He probably knows.

Be good to your mama. You don’t need a mom to be in the military, but it is always good to have at least one person in the world who actually likes you no matter how bad you smell. The Duchess of Cambridge could put together a prodigious care package if pressed.

And if you are going to be a Warrior Prince bringing peace to the nations you are going to need a lot of care packages before you get to happily ever after.

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