The Mayan Calendar said the world was supposed to end yesterday—December 21, 2012. If you are reading this, the world continues to turn. All those Russians who bought out stores of salt and candles feel slightly ridiculous. The sun rises. The sun sets.
This does not surprise any of the scientists at NASA. When asked about threats to Earth in 2012, their website states plainly:
The world will not end in 2012. Our planet has been getting along just fine for more than 4 billion years, and credible scientists worldwide know of no threat associated with 2012
Which is a good thing. Our planet can take a breather from worrying about the Mayans, Nostradamus, Rasputin and all those other scary end-of-the-world guys we try not to think about late, late at night. Instead, let’s think about what we are going to do to mark such a momentous event:
1. Go out and get a new calendar with some cute puppies on it.
2. Deploy all ships in port to respond to non-ending of world. Announce that we will keep them out there until situation is resolved.
3. Issue official deployment patch that reads End of World Tour 2012
4. Host a Crossing the Calendar ceremony with Smokin’ Order of the Double Dragon Certificate for all who eat the olive.
5. Celebrate the research of Gautham Venugopalan of Berkeley.
6. Visit local Doomsday Prepper’s shipping container and scream in agony begging for vitamins.
7. Laugh self silly.
8. Predict the end of the next world.
9. Tip your bagger at the commissary—you know you want to.
10. Finish your Christmas shopping already--no more excuses!
