I Married A Teenage Boy!


Today did not get off to a good start for the Helmuth family. The kids were being holy terrors. We were completely out of coffee -- and how that happened I have no idea, but I’m blaming my husband. And we had about 37,484 VA appointments to get to.

I could feel the steam coming out my ears. But this morning as I yelled, and screamed and poked, and prodded at my husband to get out of bed, (which he STILL isn't by the way,) and shower, and brush his teeth, and eat, so I could give him his pharmacy of meds, I couldn’t help but laugh. It had occurred to me in that moment that my husband is very much like a teenage boy, and here is why:

1. He WILL NOT get out of bed, UNLESS Tim Tebow is going to be on TV even for a millisecond.

2. He leaves his dirty laundry EVERYWHERE, and it doesn’t matter who sees it. The dirtier the better. It proves he’s “manly.”

3. He blows his money on the most random useless things like remote control helicopters and food, even when he knows he has the option of a home cooked meal.

4. Chores? What’s that? It takes some major bribery to get anything done around here ... you should see the jungle in my backyard.

5. He acts tough, but I’m pretty sure he cried nine times at Disney on Ice last night.


I pondered, and pondered, and pondered why we seem to work so well together. And so I did what I do best when I need to figure something out: I composed a list. This one is a list of Kristle characteristics -- everyday things that make me, me.

1. Mascara, Lip Gloss, and a messy bun is my signature “style.”

2. I NEED my friends. If I do not get some regular  friend time, I'm  pretty sure I WILL die.

3. I’m not a big eater. And whether it's because I know my husband is about to stick his finger in my food and ask, “are you going to eat that?” or because I’m not hungry is irrelevant.

4. I’m in love with Tebow too. (Shh that's a secret. My husband might think I'm trying to intrude on his imaginary bro-mance.)

5. Despite all this, I still try to impress him EVERYDAY. What can I say, I guess I like a "bad" boy.

 By golly, I’ve figured us out! My alter-ego is a teenage girl!

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