How PCS Fighting is Normal (and Why Do You Blog?)


First, a story, then a totally unrelated question.  I must multi-task at all times.

I had an odd dream last night.  My husband and I were disagreeing about all sorts of weird stuff.  We don't disagree about much in real life, so it struck me as odd that I would have a dream where that was the primary subject.  When I told my husband about it, he replied, "Hmm.  We were disagreeing.  Are you preparing to PCS?"

Who knows if that is what my little mind was thinking, but it certainly is possible.  Nothing like a good PCS to set two otherwise compatible people on the opposite side of everything.  Which isn't awful if you both understand what is happening, but it can be downright traumatic if it is your first PCS and no one warned you.

Way back in the dark ages, my husband and I had the opportunity to move from Virginia Beach, Virginia, to lovely Hawaii.  Ah, paradise.  We were relatively newlywed, three actual years but with deployments and such, maybe a year, year-and-a-half of time living together.  Our Temporary Lodging was at the Hale Koa, the beautiful Army recreation facility on the beach in Waikiki.  We had per diem.  We were in HAWAII, for gosh sake.  What could go wrong?


From our sponsor getting confused about whether our flight was AM or PM, to my constant stress about money, to the vagueness of a normal military work day, to jet lag, to the smallness of one hotel room after the first few weeks, it wasn't good.  I remember, after a particularly unpleasant conversation, thinking to myself, "Oh, my gosh, I have moved to this island a bjillion miles from anywhere with this man who I CLEARLY DO NOT KNOW.  What am I going to do?"

At this point, I overcame my frugal nature and marched down to the lobby, calling card in hand.  (I told you this was the dark ages.)  I couldn't call my parents and tell them that my dreamy husband was actually a nightmare, so I called my best military spouse friend.  After hearing out all my woes, she said the most important words, "Oh, that's normal."  And then she followed them with, "David and I nearly get a divorce every time we move."

Oh.  My.  Gosh.

Why hadn't anyone told me sooner?  How was I supposed to know this stuff?  It certainly wasn't in the Service Etiquette manual, the closest thing to a guide I could find at the time.  No bookshelves full of inspiring and humorous milspouse reading material, no internet chatrooms, no blogs full of every possible bit of milspouseness out there.  It was just your experiences, and the experiences of your friends, shared over spouses' club coffees and casual social events.  Oh, how the internet has improved that!

The other day, the new SpouseBUZZ Editor Jacey asked me why I blog.  And the story above was pretty much my answer.  Not only do I get to share the ridiculousness of my life with y'all, but every once in a while you get that, "Oh, thank goodness.  I thought it was just me" comment that means that you've helped someone else.  Plus, I get to learn from y'all, so that I don't get thrown off when I deal with a new-to-me experience.  And it is awesome.

Many of you have your own blogs, and you all have different reasons for writing.  I'd love to know what you think.

I'd also love to hear the tidbits you've learned over the years.  The more information I can cram into my milspouse toolkit, the better prepared I am for the future.

photo by:  loyaldefender2004

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