Reverse the Roles and Hilarity Ensues


Unfortunately, I'm stuck working this weekend and to add insult to injury, the cupboards are getting bare. On an ordinary Saturday, I would have hit the grocery store early this morning. Thankfully, my husband announced he was going to do the grocery shopping so I could focus on work. I didn't even ask. The day was already looking brighter! After I let out a huge sigh of relief, I began making a grocery list, listing items in the order they could be found (from right to left) in the grocery store. There are a few things that I knew I had to show him or point out what they looked like. Items he's not familiar with which could be confusing to anyone unfamiliar with them.

My husband has, of course, been to the grocery store before, and he's certainly no neanderthal. He would certainly pick up groceries any time I asked him to, but rarely do I and if I do, it's typically to pick up a few items and not to do the full grocery shopping. I take care of that. And when I don't, we end up with enough material for a sitcom.

About an hour after my husband had left, the first call came in. It concerned cat food. I didn't feel the need to go into detail about cat food because he's picked this up in the past. We had laughed over the fact that a cat resembling ours was the model on the bag that we use. Some time ago, the company changed the type of cat on the cover (the nerve!) and clearly my husband hadn't picked up cat food since then. I walked him through it and the first crisis was solved.

A few minutes later, the phone rang again. This time to inform me that the grocery store only sells beer and wine. Well, yes, that would be accurate.  I couldn't figure out why my husband felt the need to call and tell me this. After a very pregnant pause, I said, "I put red wine on the list." I was then informed that I had also written "vodka sauce" on the list. Heh.... Now, to be fair, I very rarely cook with vodka sauce so it's not an item he's all that familiar with. I steered him to the pasta aisle and all was well. For a little while, anyway.

Phone call number three came to ask what exactly "Downey April Fresh" is and where it might be found. I had assumed he would associate Downey with laundry, but he did not.

My husband was at the grocery store forever and as I was about to find out, his haul was as entertaining as his phone calls were.

I unpacked a tin of "coarsely ground" black pepper. I had asked for McCormick's black pepper grinder (love them). I looked at him quizzically. "Oh, they had some that were already ground," he proudly exclaimed. Glad I wasn't running low on the sea salt grinder....

I wound up with eight cans of Progresso Minnestrone although I had requested four. No big deal, I'll use them, but I wondered why the amount had doubled. Was there a buy one/get one free sale? There was not. He had shopped out of order, didn't cross things off the list as he picked them up, didn't realize he had already picked up the four cans and picked up an additional four when he made a second pass down the aisle, so I wound up with double. Next time he doubles something, I hope it's the wine!

I was not the least bit agitated with any of this. I found the entire episode to be hilarious. How could you get upset with a husband who volunteered to do the full grocery shopping (on a Saturday, no less) so you could work? After all, there was a time if I had been asked to go to clothing sales and pick up an applet, I would have called my husband to inform him that I looked everywhere but I could not find a produce section at clothing sales. Well, not really, but you get the idea.

Best part of the entire episode? When we discovered that he had forgotten paper plates and my Thomas' Whole Wheat English Muffins, he offered to go back to the store and get them. Awww. I declined the offer. He'd done enough damage for me today!

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