To Club, or Not to Club?


I'm probably not much of a shoe-in to win any Military Spouse of the Year awards. I mean, I'd be quite flattered if someone out there passed my name along, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say that I'm not that kind of military wife.

You see, I don't iron my husband's cammies. I don't sew patches or nametapes or any of that kind of stuff onto uniforms. While I might not sew things on, I will take them to the cleaners where they do that. There really isn't much defense for why I don't iron his cammies, besides him being a Marine and being freakishly obsessed with his creases. Surely many of you can relate. And as far as squadron wife functions, well....I tend to be MIA.


I do take care of our kids. I keep our household running, and if I may say so myself, we run pretty darn smooth for having someone come and go as much as my dear husband does.

I will accompany my husband to any type of function that he needs to attend and where he'd like me to be by his side.  However, I haven't been to a wives club social in probably seven years.

See, I told you I wouldn't be nabbing any Spouse of the Year awards.

I stand behind my husband and his job. As a Marine Wife, I pick up the slack when he's away. I'm mom and dad and the plumber, the bug killer, the boo-boo kisser, the bad guy and the good guy. I understand that my husband cannot be with us all of the times that he wishes he can. That being said, I also understand that there are times when he wants to go places; bad places. Places where people are trying to kill him. That, I actually understand. But I just can't get on board with the assumed desire that because I am a Marine Wife I want to join the club.

No thanks.

Now, there are some AMAZING spouse groups out there. My mother-in-law was a 20 yr Marine Wife and she has very fond memories of some of her groups. Same with an aunt of mine. But the group at our squadron leaves much to be desired. Not to mention that the majority of our base is at home year-round and my husband is in the very small minority of them who are constantly gone, which makes going to functions difficult. I need to save my babysitters for emergencies, doctor's appointments, and the occasional (very occasional) date night with my flyboy. I know one would think that at a squadron most people are fliers and thus gone. Nope, not even close. So for me, its not even that I don't always want to participate, its down right hard to do so!

But I've noticed something.... a lot of other wives out there feel the same way I do! I'm not alone in my own little anti-social thinking, but quite the opposite. I know many wives on twitter, blogs, and last but not least, in real life {that does still exist} who don't always feel a pull to the wives group.

When I was a new military spouse it was tough. We are stationed at a very small base, I did feel isolated from other women who were going through the same thing I was. I tried out the Key Wives, {the Marine Corps version of the FRG} much to my husband's chagrin. I tried to get involved and made a real effort, but it was never really a good fit.

As we became more settled in our marriage, I became more settled in our military life. Kids came along and I realized that fulfilling my role as a military wife was secondary to my role as a wife and mom. I realized that you don't actually have to be part of the club to be part of the club.

Could it also be that we are connecting with other military spouses in different ways what with twitter, facebook, and blogs? Just look at SpouseBUZZ! I don't have to even leave the house anymore to connect with other military wives! Shoot, now I can tweet something that only you other wives in the trenches will get the second it happens. I mean how is it that the dishwasher dies the second his airplane flies over his house on the way out of town?

With all the ways to connect now its like having an awesome spouse club in your pjs!

I know that many wives relish the friendships that they forged in wives clubs, I'm not knocking that, it just didn't mix well for me. As I read the tweets and the blogs about people dreading the next wives mixer, I realized I'm not so alone.

Where do you fall into the wives club category? In your book, is it a military wife do or a don't-have-to-do? Have you had a great spouse club experience, or more of a dud?

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