Lately, there are so many things that pull my mind away from the task at hand or distract me from what I am doing or should be doing. Worrying about my son getting the help he needs, hating that I cannot provide that help, hoping the day will not include wiping someone else's vomit or worse off my person, worrying about the realities of Seadaddy living so far from my stepdaughter, wishing life were simpler and less stressful for just.one.minute.
When I am in this class I am thinking about that problem. When I should be reading this stack of papers/workbooks/books, I am re-reading the same sentence over and over again because my mind continues to drift to some other thing. And as many a procrastinator would skillfully do, I then take time to feel incredibly guilty about shortchanging my endeavors.
I do try very hard to break this habit, and while I may not be seeing much improvement everywhere, Sunday mornings have been a retreat for me.
It has been a while since I have gone to Church regularly. A long while. It is interesting going to one on post. There is a gentleman who looks exactly like TacoBell and I re-play in my mind his acceptance speech reading from this year's MilBlog Conference every Sunday as this man moves the collection plate from row to row. I know this is probably not appropriate, but it does make me smile every.single.week. I cannot imagine the Priest at my high school wearing ACUs, and seeing the Father during the work week in uniform still strikes me as strange and decidedly odd. Even with all of these stray thoughts about my life now versus when I was younger, I try to make sure I listen to the readings and take in the message of the homily. This week I heard something during the sermon I am quite sure not many places outside of a military chapel would hear incorporated into God's message:
"Less Hooah - More Do-ah"
For so many reasons, this was the perfect message for me to hear right now. Not just because of how it was meant, but also because it is so applicable to other aspects of my life right now. I am so fond of making lists, taking time to organize and re-organize, prioritize and re-prioritize all of the things that I need to get done. The cleaning, the daily schedule, the projects . . . life. I get so hung up in making (and tweaking) a gameplan that I waste more time on that then the actual doing. Nap times end and nothing was accomplished. A week has gone by and Mt Laundry is ridiculously tall an wholly unappealing. I search for and save and print out dozens of projects and haven't sewed or picked up hooks or needles at all.
So it is my goal to take a bit of a break from my enthusiastic (obsessive) planning stage and engage more in the "Do-ah" part.
Hopefully it works out! I haven't filed since the spring and have all kinds of things on my Christmas gift project list. Ack! A list - I sense danger!