They Ache


This deployment has flown by for me because I've been distracted with my pregnancy. It's a major event that keeps my mind off missing my husband. When I do think of him, they've been self-centered or baby-centered thoughts: I wish he were here to feel the baby kick, or fetch me a glass of water, or discuss middle names in person. I've also tried to come up with some silver linings for why it's better that I've been alone all this time. And I have contingency plans in case my husband doesn't make it home in time; I've assured him that I am capable of doing this myself and that the baby and I will be fine if he can't make it.

I've tried to be mindful of how he must feel too, to be so far away while his only child is growing and developing. To miss out on ultrasounds and milestones. But after I got lukewarm responses to the ultrasound and pictures of my belly that I emailed to him, I figured he's a guy and maybe they don't care about that stuff as much as I would.

But then he wrote me an email one night that broke my heart. He was lonely and homesick and let down his guard: he said that he longs to be here with me and the baby and that he's "jealous of [my] privilege" to be near her, even when it is uncomfortable. It was unbelievably touching.

I think it's easy to dismiss our husbands as being "just a guy" who doesn't care about the tender moments. They may not let on, but I think it probably affects them deeply to be away from us and their children. I would've never imagined my husband saying that he "aches" to be near his unborn daughter, but he did.

And it made me fall in love with him all over again.

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