For the past two weeks I have had more anxiety and anger with the Army than I have experienced in a looooong time. No, my husband is not deployed.
My husband is currently in an "Army school" and will graduate in late May. We KNOW we will be PCSing this summer and have known this since we moved here last summer. We have known for months that SOME time this month we would find out our next duty station.
Two weeks ago my husband met with the guy who is supposed to tell us where we go next. He was told, two weeks ago, that we would find out this past Wednesday. He was also told there are 2 possibilities for our next assignment. Place #1 would be very nice, but far from our families. And DH would deploy to Afghanistan some time next year. Place #2 would be good for a number of reasons. But DH would deploy to Iraq THIS year. *GULP*
I have been able to "ignore" the possibility of deployments for the past 4 1/2 years because my husband was wounded. And now, the reality of a deployment is really scary for me. I had a complete melt-down about a week ago and cried so hard I gave myself a head-ache. My husband was taken off guard when I explained to him why I was an emotional basket case. I was experiencing anticipatory grief and my husband doesn't even have orders to deploy, let alone know what unit/duty station we are going to next!!!
So now what I need is for the Army to tell us where we are going next so I can start mentally preparing myself for a deployment that may not even happen (of course it will... eventually). That's why I am angry. Well, I was angry - until I realized that was stupid because I have no control over where we go next and when/where my husband will deploy.
I still have some anxiety, but I do feel better after my melt-down (yes, crying is good for the soul!). And I'm not really angry since I know I have zero control over the situation. But I am frustrated - which is the nature of the beast we call the military ;)