I'm pretty sure that you'll see, tucked in whatever-millionth place on the list of all American mothers this year, my name. Number whatever million and three - airforcewife.
Thank you very much.
I have committed the usual parental crimes, like sending the kids to bed later than they should be in bed because we're too busy out running errands and getting to various meetings. I've given them sugary cereals for breakfast because we had somewhere to go, there was whining going on, and I just wanted it all to STOP (and if Cookie Crisp Cereal makes it stop, so be it. I'll sugar the kids up and thank General Mills on my knees). I've neglected to change bedsheets every week. I've gotten the kids way more Happy Meals than could possibly be healthy.
I've also done this strange impersonation of a rabid dog when the I'm a woman on the edge and someone is throwing a hissy fit about the toy in their aforementioned Happy Meal (did you know that a person can make a two toned growl? I've done it. Spit flying, I've done it. My kids will never need to see The Exorcist, at this point they've lived some of it's greatest hits).
But then to add insult to injury, a few weeks ago I had to commit the ultimate and unpardonable parental sin. I had to refuse an invitation for my nine year old daughter to join the competitive gymnastics team.
Oh, that may not sound so bad at first, right? It does to me. We're talking COLLEGE SCHOLARSHIP here, people! Not to mention the ever-so-sad and yet accepting look in my daughter's eye when I had to break the news to her.
Oh, and that same day I had to refuse to let my second daughter advance a swim team level.
I'm just the Santa Claus of April Fool's Day here, aren't I?
There wasn't much choice in the matter, though, seeing as how there's only one of me and three children who are all way too good in their chosen sports for my evening chill time. And of course not a one of them could choose a sport another sibling was doing, either, and cut down on my drive time.
I'm driving to boxing practice, I'm driving to swim team practices and meets, and I'm driving to gymnastics. In addition to things like Girl Scouts and Cub Scouts and CCD. And I've cut things down as far as I can - we can't cut out church! CCD stays. We can't cut out Scouting! College, people! We need that on their college applications!
And sports... They're only doing one sport apiece. Lucky me that they chose year-round sports instead of something with proper seasons and a rest break for Mom.
I'm not complaining about our situation - if there's one thing military life has taught me is that it can always be worse, and it's best not to tempt fate with complaints. However, I'm putting this out there so that the next time your kids tell you that you're the worst parent in the world, you can assure them with utter confidence and actual proof that the worst parent in the world is airforcewife.
And also, so that if you give in and don't stick to your guns handing out carrot sticks and celery with peanut butter - you know that you're not the only one. I'm doing it, too. And our bed sheets probably aren't as clean as they should be, either.