SpouseBuzz

Lean On Me

I have to admit it, I ultra-personalize my phone. With all the moving and what-not, sometimes my phone is the only thing I get to truly reflect me on a semi-permanent basis. I have ring tones, answer tones, phone bling... During Air Force Guy's last deployment I used Bill Wither's "Ain't No Sunshine" as my answer tone, but figured that I should change that out when armywifetoddlermom told me for the fourth time that calling me was "very depressing" because she had to listen to that song while waiting for me to answer.

Point well taken. Although I still love the song, I changed it.

AFG thinks I'm absolutely nuts for putting as much thought into my ringtone and answer tone as I do. It's about an hour's process once a year when the tones come up for renewal, and let's just say that he doesn't look forward to sitting on the bed while I browse through the various tones available and play them for him saying, "What do you think of this one?" "How about this?" "Do you think this reflects me?"

It is silly, I'll admit it. But it makes me smile when people call me and upon my answering the phone they're humming or singing along. And I do look for ANY opportunities to smile, particularly during deployment time.

It was a tragic day, I'll have you know, when I lost the phone that had my favorite ring tone of all time on it - one which is no longer available no matter where I look. The ringtone started with a morse code beeping sound and then a voice would say, "Patriot! This is Captain America! Your country needs you!" It never failed to make people turn around, look, and smile. Also, it just seemed... appropriate to me.

Currently my answer tone is another Bill Wither's song - "Lean on Me", and I doubt I'll be changing it anytime soon.

And actually, Lean on Me is the point of this post - even with my long digression about ring tones and answer tones and cell phone bling.

It's really one of our military spouse theme songs, isnt' it? We all need somebody to lean on. We certainly do, and I was reminded how important that is yesterday after a lovely day with Semper Fi Wife and her daughter at the Marine Corps Museum. Sometimes, even if you aren't having a crisis, you just need to be around others who "get it." It's like a spa day.

Lean on me, when you're not strong And I'll be your friend I'll help you carry on For it won't be long 'Til I'm gonna need Somebody to lean on

Sometimes it's hard to reach out when we need to. There's always that fear of "bothering" people, or being a pest. Or, and this is something that a lot of military spouses run into - not wanting to admit that we can't do everything on our own just fine, thankyewverymuchindeed. And we have reason to be proud, because we do get things done!

But.

Sometimes we need somebody to lean on.

So, here's my challenge to you - and it's a REALLY hard one. Not a bit of snark there, either. It's truly hard. One of the "roll your eyes" trust exercises I once had to do at a retreat was a sort of dual lean, where another participant and I had to simultaneously lean sideways so that we ended up both being unable to support ourselves at that angle, but supporting each other.

Let's do that figuratively. Who can you lean on? Even if you aren't in a crisis, can you take a moment; a lunchtime, or a quick dinner. Perhaps a Saturday afternoon, or one evening during the week - where you can get together with someone who "gets" you, someone you "get", and just hang out. Talk about whatever comes to mind - intense or silly, life changing, or just comfortable patter. It doesn't even have to be in person - most of my closest friends live significant drives away from me. And I ALWAYS have to take my children, because usually I don't have babysitting alternatives. You can chat online, or you can chat on the phone while simultaneously enjoying some Panera (Panera is especially good for this kind of thing, I've found).

We're all tired. It's been a long haul so far, and the road still seems to be winding and endless. Maybe we all need one of those moments where we take a few just to lean on each other.

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