And the Geardo Saga Continues


Air Force Guy missed 5.11 Day. It was a big blow, but luckily the guy at the store selling 5.11 gear put everything he needed (ahem, it should be "needed", if you know what I mean) on back-order.

This, of course, meant that we spent the last four days going into the 5.11 store every day for AFG to run in excitedly and ask, "Is it here yet? Is it here yet?" Today his things finally came in. And we're at the point where the amount of gear in this house has surpassed critical mass.

How bad is it? Well, let's just say this - it's so bad, and AFG bought so much gear and was so crestfallen about missing 5.11 Day at the store that the proprietor of aforementioned store loaded him up with a few 5.11 freebies.

5.11 No, your eyes are not playing tricks on you. There is 5.11 Barbecue sauce. And there are 5.11 seasonings. I had no idea barbecue sauce and seasonings could be tactical.

AFG was over the moon about this stuff. Me, not so much.

To start off with, after 4 days of dashing home from work to go "check on his order" (why could we not just call the store?), I'd had enough of the 5.11 store. AF Boy and I headed over to Chick Fil-A for what I thought would be a 5 minute bout of munchies. After an hour of watching AF Boy go down the Chick Fil-A slide forward, backwards, sideways, and back up I texted AFG to find out what the hold up was.

AFG Text: I'm getting luggage for you!

My Text: I don't want luggage! We have luggage! Put it back! WE DON'T NEED THIS!

AFG Text: But it's tactical!


Can you see where this is going? I had no idea 5.11 even made luggage. Technically it isn't luggage, it's gear bags. And it is not even technically for me no matter what AFG texted. And considering the rapidly diminishing space left to put things in my basement, the last thing we need is more deployment gear, most especially not luggage.

We now have the gear bags. AFG was playing with his new duty bag all evening. It says 5.11 on it. At this point the man is a walking billboard. People (and by "people" I mean "guys") talk to him about various items when they see the logo'd shirts. We've made quite a few new friends this way, and it's nice to find wives as exasperated about the Geardo thing as I've become.

And AFG is wearing those shirts a lot now. He has reached that pre-deployment stage where the clothing he will be living in for a year is making it's way into his regular wardrobe as his mindset changes from "home" to "deployed." This part is bad enough that as he packed for his trip to see his mother last weekend I had to nix several of his clothing choices.

"No dear, you can't take that. You're going to a civilian area, and no one there knows what to think about Safari shirts. Unless you're the Crocodile Hunter, they have no idea why you'd be dressed that way. Just take a regular polo."

"Hon, let me make this easy - here's the rule. No Rigger belts. No sideways pockets in your shirts. And if the pants have some sort of attachment for holsters you need to leave them home."

I did make some headway in helping him pack, although every undershirt he took was manufactured by Under Armour.

I do have to wonder how many frustrated Geardo wives there are out there, and if maybe we should start a Yahoo group or something. We could exchange storage ideas, brainstorm new uses for those holsters that our husbands feel are outdated but are still perfectly useful for something (herb planters for the windowsill maybe?). Maybe we could start to lobby companies like 5.11 to have spouse appreciation days along with 5.11 Days, or perhaps they could send us a card or send a rep out to show us how to store all this stuff and still having living space available at home, kind of like a tactical Ikea. Maybe once a year they could raffle off a CONEX to some lucky Geardo and his wife so that he can have a new storage place and she can have her house back.

Oh, who am I kidding? I know my husband would just be excited to think he would then have the whole basement free for gear aqcuisition once again.

AFG's Geardo tendencies do drive me crazy now, but I know that in two weeks I'll miss seeing SealSkinz socks draped across chairs to dry and tripping over his boots. Maybe I'll ask him to leave a few things behind to keep me company.

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