Bearing Our Burdens Alone


I always seem to have the ridiculous luck that I turn up pregnant the day after my husband leaves. When he deployed last spring, I couldn't tell him I was pregnant until he called from Kuwait. I was in agony that I had to wait for him to call me. But this time around it's even stranger: I found out I was pregnant the day after my husband left for SERE school.

No communication for three weeks. Gah. What timing.

There's a deployment school of thought that says that we shouldn't tell our spouses anything that might stress them out them while they're gone. I guess I never really gave that too much thought because I have never had to make that choice. (When last spring's baby died, I had to tell him; there was no keeping that a secret.)

But last night I dreamt I ran into my husband on post. Not very likelyor realistic during SERE school, but OK. We stood there and talked fora few moments before we had to say goodbye. And a voice in my head wassaying, "Tell him you're pregnant! Tell him!"

I didn't.

As I walked away from him, I had the urge to turn around and blurtthe news to him. It would be so easy, to just tell him. But I heldmyself back for two very practical reasons: 1) he needs to focus onSERE and not be distracted and 2) I am not at all confident that thepregnancy will last and I hate to get his hopes up.

I realized when I woke up that as agonizing as it's been to know about this baby for weeks without being able to tell him, and as many conflicting signs and side effects I've had that indicate that things might not be going well, I still wouldn't share that burden with my husband right now even if I could. He needs to focus on what he's doing.

I am capable of handling this agony alone while he handles his. We'll deal with them both together once he gets home.


When I had to decide what category to file this blog post under, I chose "Day In the Life of a Milspouse" because this is just a part of what we do every day. We deal with things -- not being able to tell your husband you're pregnant for three weeks! -- that civilian spouses would never have to do. But we just do it, because it's our life.

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