Last night, I had something I wanted to say. Along the way as I was typing, I decided to curb my tongue and modify the thoughts. It produced a post that although accurate in context and question -- wasn't what was on my mind. So, I'd like to apologize for not being true to you in SpouseBUZZland, and ask for a do-over. If yall would be so kind...It started out something like this:
The Snowman in the Globe
You know the character -- happily housed in his little bio-dome of water and snow. You flip it over and shake it up and all hell breaks loose inside ... except for the snowman.
Regardless of those things flying about him, the snowman doesn't change his expression or his outlook. He just likes being part of the goings-on. And regardless of where the globe is placed, be it bookshelf, coffee table, or in the bottom of the 3.1 cu box marked "Living Room" he's still the same guy.
This past week I had a chance to catch-up with a buddy who shares many a thing with me. Retired from active duty, married to a lady still serving, and wanting to help when possible, where needed, ready to get dirty up to his elbows if asked or a need arises. AND, he's been that way for 20 years. Like the Snowman, he stays steady and reliable and easily keeps his demeanor and outlook with every PCS-induced flurry of snow swirling around him. With the joy I've experienced from all of you here at SpouseBUZZ, his call set me on my heels -- it was incredulous ... and it started with "I think I'm bleeding... what the 'ell just happened?"
We check him out and sure enough. He has skinned knees and his palms are scraped-up. He's getting up from being on all fours, due to the rug being jerked from behind, out from under him. The rug I find out, was a position on a discussion item he was taking with the Spouses organization. The puller(s)? He now suspects those that only moments before had smiled and agreed with his position. We sit, apply alcohol to the inside of the patient and ruminate on what he could have done differently. Then it strikes us both, ... this was a new installation, the Spouses really didn't know him, and we had a pretty good idea that the speculations and the suspicions had been running amok.
The saddest thing was his belief that the greatest of these misplaced speculations were coming from the wives of husbands who lived closest to the pointy-end-of-the-spear. For the oddest of reasons, they were bearing the greatest of resentments towards this guy who only wanted to help the organization move forward. We applied more alcohol to the inside of the patient, and this time I joined in.
A guy. A guy who had a full toolbox of ideas and a gas tank full of energy. But he wasn't one of them. When I asked him "what's next?" As he wiped the dirt off his knees and hands, he said, "I just don't know because this was the last thing I expected."
The Snowman hadn't changed. It was the snowflakes swirling around him that couldn't adjust to his presence in the little bio-dome.
My virtual life with each of you in the land of SB, has helped me realize that this is a rare case ... one I guess I'd thought maybe we were past. Yes he got up, and yes, he'll come back to the table. And I suspect, he'll give it another go as he's just wired that way. But it won't be the same.
So ... as you've heard me say here before, treat your male spouses as equals. Balance your agendas and understand we want to come to the table as equals, to support the common good. Don't give lip-service to what you think we want to hear, all the while changing nothing. And know, this isn't just about the Spouses Clubs/organizations. It's about FRGs, it's about FSCs, It's about all the sub-functions and routines at the A&FRC, it's about wherever we all need to be, to help each other. We just gotta get everyone involved and in the same book if not on the same page.
This is what I wanted to say last night and I apologize again for not getting it down -- but I couldn't get my arms around the issues and am not sure I managed to do it now ...but NOT getting it out wasn't fair to you, or me, ... or the Snowman.