I've blogged here before about the rollercoaster my husband and I have been on for the past two years to try to start a family.
Last week I sat alone in the doctor's office, trying to become pregnant.
I thought it would make for a funny blog post. I even took my knitting along, thinking that I could make a joke about being the only woman on earth who was knitting while she got pregnant.
But when the moment came, it really wasn't funny at all.
It's depressing to have fertility problems. It's even more depressing to have them when your husband is deployed. And it's incredibly lonely to lie by yourself for twenty minutes in a doctor's office after you've been artificially inseminated.
My funny blog post didn't happen because there was nothing funny about it.
And I'm generally the queen of making jokes out of this situation. I made the crowd at SpouseBUZZ Live Hampton Roads audibly gasp when I made a gremlin joke about dead babies. But I always say that if you can't laugh at yourself, you'll cry your eyes out. And I was ready to laugh last week, but the laughter didn't come.
I just felt lonely.
But NewArmyWifeMegan's recent comment reminded me that I am not alone; there are many of us in the military community who are having trouble meshing the hectic military lifestyle with the long process that is fertility testing and treatment. There's no time to waste when one half of the equation keeps leaving home.
So the best you can do is freeze up some sperm and try to handle it on your own while he's gone. Which feels completely unnatural and hollow. And lonely.
But those of us who are doing it just keep truckin' on. And we do the best we can to keep our laughter.