SpouseBuzz

How Do We Know If We're Done

I think my first husband may have been right...I do love the drama.

I love it so much that I move from one major life change and decision to another without so much as a quick break.

Now that I've finished law school and the bar exam (no results until Halloween, thanks), I'm thinking about babies...what is wrong with me?!

I find myself looking at families with more than two children and thinking, "Could I do that?"

I look at my youngest, who just turned 5, and know in my heart I never imagined she was my last child.

I look at my husband who stepped up to the plate when my oldest (now 9) was 3 and decided that he'd like to not only marry me, but be a dad to her as well. 

I look at the wistful way he looks at our youngest and realize he probably never imagined he'd only have one kid from scratch. 

I watched him take HOURS to dismantle the her crib because he just couldn't believe she was done with it.  Or, how he marveled over her being ready for an even bigger big-girl bike for her birthday a couple weeks ago.

What are we waiting for, right?

Hold your horses!  Let's remember there are some negatives to balance in with the throw-the-caution-to-the-wind, let's-do-this-thing mentality.

I'm 36.

My girls are 9 and 5.

I've just earned a degree that will put me into one of the most time-intensive, stress-inducing professions on the planet.

My husband is still in the Guard and will be for another six years at least.  He's looking at deployment again sooner than later.

Our girls were 5 and 1 when he deployed overseas last.  They were sick 24/7/365 and I worked full-time and nearly lost my mind.  My job was considerably more 'parent/kid' friendly as I was on university faculty--not anymore demanding than one makes it. 

Other issues:  Timing.  My age.  Him missing the early year(s) again.  The girls needing to be run from activity to activity and school.  I live at least 90 minutes from any family.  The diaper aisle at Target...I haven't been down it in years.

Oh, and my mom would probably kill me.

So, I know we talk about a lot of things here, but this is kind of personal.  If you're willing, I'd love to read your insight if you maybe are at this breaking point or you've been there and done it.  Sure, lots of people (like me) have five year plans for their five year plans, but perhaps never imagined how the Army may influence their family decisions.

Lay it on me.  I'm listening.

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