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Back to the Wild

Whenever we move I go through a honeymoon phase.  I think everything in our new location is neat.  I think the local flora and fauna are gorgeous.  I love the grocery stores, I like the people, I look forward to waking up every morning and doing something new.

The honeymoon phase here is now officially OVER.

Our current locale is on every nerve I have, and it really breaks down to one little reason.

That horrible raccoon that visits our porch every night.  I hate that raccoon.  That stupid raccoon is holding our entire family hostage.

First, it dumps out our trash every single night; and every morning I'm outside picking up slimy, messy trash.  I've tried garbage cans with locking lids.  I've tried traps.  Air Force Guy even waited out by the sliding glass door one night to hit the thing with the beam from his Sure Fire every time it made an appearance on our porch in the hopes that he would blind it and it would fall off the porch and break its back. 

The raccoon laughed at us.  IT LAUGHED!  Have you ever seen a raccoon laugh?  They totally do.

Even worse, after it turns dark I have issued a blanket order that Ike is not allowed to go in the backyard.  We live in a townhouse - the yard is the size of a sneeze.  I trust that Ike could hold his own with a raccoon given enough space, but there is not enough space.  Also, even though Ike has had every vaccine known to exist, I still worry about rabies.

So poor Ike huddles by the sliding glass door as that awful raccoon taunts him. "You can't come and get me!  You can't come and get me!  You're a failure in your job as home defender!"  Poor Ike's pride has taken quite a beating lately.  Any day now I expect to come downstairs and find my dog dressed in a ghillie suit with war paint on his face, ready to take care of business come-what-may.

I've lived many places with raccoon infestations, but never have we experienced one so large and so horribly cunning.  The thing is bigger than my five year old son!  If we lived in a less settled area, AFG might be able to take care of this issue once and for all.  But as it stands now, I'm not sure what else we can do.

Any suggestions?

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