Last night Air Force Guy and I made a startling realization.
Thanks to his military career and the subsequent military career changes, he's been able to check three of the "little boy dream jobs" off his life sheet.
He was an armor crewman, then he got do PSYOP and work in Intel, then he got law enforcement credentials.
Now all he has to do is find a way to be a Ninja, a cowboy, a pirate, and a starship trooper and his list will be complete.
And as for me...
When I was in fourth grade we had to make a little collage for Back to School Night with a whole bunch of facts about ourselves. In the middle of my presentation was a picture of me in a blue dress with a flag behind me, shaking some guy's hand. It said, "I AM GOING TO BE THE PRESIDENT".
I'm still too young to be President, so that one remains to be seen. Luckily for me, though, there is precedent for Presidents that are rather clumsy or I'd be completely out of luck.
But my other goals? I'm not a lawyer yet, but I did work on several different political campaigns. I've worked for newspapers. I've been published in a magazine. I taught school, I delivered babies at home, I was invited to a White House speech (and made an utter fool of myself, too, if I say so myself. But it was THE MOST FUN), and I was kicked off a daytime talk show, and I've been to almost every state in America (several more than once or for extended times), Mexico, and Canada.
The one thing (aside from being president) that I wanted to do as a young girl that I still haven't done is to live outside CONUS. Oh, and learn to cut and style hair. Trust me, you don't don't want me anywhere NEAR your hair. The one time I cut poor AFG's hair he ended up looking like Bert. Yeah, he ended up being bald after that one. Lucky for him his hair grows quickly. So I can want for that one the rest of my life, it's just not in my genetic make up to do well.
And I wouldn't mind being a pin up girl, either. But I've got to do more Nikki Fitness (like, a LOT more - YEARS more) before I'm ready for that.
I'm a list maker; I think that as a descendant of many public servants it is now something genetic. If I don't have enough paperwork, I make some of my own - you should see my files! But anyway, the reason I thought about all this today is because AFG and I were joking about his job list at the age of 33.
I'll admit, I get to feeling very depressed and angry at times. My husband and kids would probably say I get like that a lot more often than I want to admit. But the thing is, when I get that way and I snap at everyone and I spend more than three days bemoaning the fact that I'm not where I want to be RIGHT NOW I'm just not pleasant to be around. I don't even like being around me at those times.
When AFG fell asleep after we joked about his "kid list" being checked off, my stomach hurt. Let's face it - I'm NOT where I thought I would be at age 34. I'm a stay at home mom with four kids, I homeschool, and my butt is far larger than I thought butts could physically get. I drive a MINIVAN for cripes sake! That's basically a station wagon with higher ceilings!
I pictured myself in a cute little Mazda Miata convertible at this age. A Mustang, at the very least. And living in a McMansion with impeccable furniture, not a townhouse with a postage stamp lawn.
But that Miata and McMansion dream is not where I am. So I had to sit down as my husband (with whom I was more than a little irritated for realizing all HIS dreams while I sat at home and cleaned up the mess) slept and take stock.
And boy was I surprised at how full my life has really been. It was a step back from the middle of the situation that I desperately needed to take. My life, with it's ups and downs, has been full for all 34 years, even if I didn't realize it at the time. And I also had to ask myself, "If not here, WHERE do I really want to be? WHERE would make me happier?"
I have to say - I don't want to go live "at home". I don't fit in there anymore, and I wouldn't be any happier in that life. And I'm not ready to settle down yet, either. I have no idea where I want to live and stay - I get sick of places, I want to see more. I have itchy feet. I could complain some more about moving (and I do, believe me), but the fact is that I would complain if I weren't moving, too. Probably more.
So here was the dilemma I found myself in last night: I could choose to be angry and feel impotent, or I could choose to sit down and try to work out a way to be more happy with my life and make it go a direction more in line with where I want to be.
I chose to find a way.
Now, if you'll excuse me I have some Nikki Fitness to do. That butt won't get rid of itself.
