My darling husband


I love you with all of my heart. However, we need to talk about the kitchen.

1. The kitchen is set up in a fashion that works. For me. Unless you are going to be the one to spend more time in there than me (not likely), leave things the way they are. If you decide that something should be moved/placed in another location, please discuss it with me first so I do not spend hours trying to figure out where the hell I put it. My hold on sanity is tenuous at best. Don't make me feel like I'm losing what is left of my mind.

2. The kitchen is not your workshop, the garage, or a tool box. Knives with names like Benchmade, Spyderco, and Ka-Bar do not belong on my knife block. If you wish to eat like an outdoorsman, you are more than welcome to.

At work.

Or out in the backyard.

Not in the kitchen.

3. Water is not a decorative element in a kitchen. The sink was actually designed to be big enough to hold plenty of it. Therefore it is not necessary to put it on the counters, the floor, or the wall. And if you do, they make these wonderful inventions called towels to soak up the water you've spilled.

They work too.

4. The sprayer on the sink retracts just about as easily as it pulls out. Amazing how that works.

5. You are not Emeril and do not get to go "BAM!" when putting pepper on your eggs. It makes a mess.

6. Coffee is messy. The drops that you spill when trying to pour coffee into your mug at 530am before you have had a chance to shower and fully wake up will not simply evaporate like the water you fling onto the counters, floors, and walls. They leave a mark. Please clean up after yourself (with one of those amazing inventions mentioned in #3 called a "towel") or you will find that I have eliminated the problem altogether and thrown away your coffee maker and beans.

7. Your coffee bean grinder is loud. No matter if you wrap it in a towel to muffle the noise, it is still loud. Even louder at 530am. Either grind your beans the night before or grab Starbucks on the way to work.

Otherwise you may find that YOU make the grinding noise when you sit.

8. Mashed potatoes, when not cleaned out of the pot they were made in, turn into cement. It's a little known fact that municipalities mix mashed potatoes into their cement mix when laying roads and foundations as a way to save money. I would hate to have to go shopping for a new KitchenAid mixer simply because you decided not to properly wash the mixing bowl.

9. Cereal bowls do not need to soak.

10. However cereal, like mashed potatoes, will harden and turn into cement if not rinsed out of the bowl immediately after breakfast. Scraping cemented-on food particles from bowls is not in my job description and I will simply throw the bowls out. And then go buy new ones. That's a little tough on the budget.

Especially if I'm having to shop for a new mixer.

11. Amazingly, the dishwasher does not unload itself. And I am not the only human being in this house that is physically capable of unloading it.  If it doesn't get UNloaded, I can't load it. Therefore the dishes do not get washed. If I don't have clean dishes, there will be no dinner. And I have a feeling that the children would protest...

That is all for now.

Anyone care to add their thoughts?

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