The Poacher Dude


We run into all sorts of people during our tours.  Have you ever noticed that every assignment seems to have certain personality types that people fall into?  There's usually "The Busy Guy" - this is the guy (and I use the term in a gender neutral way) that is always at work before everyone else, leaves after everyone else, comes in on the weekends, and just looks weird when they aren't wearing their UOD.

Then there's "The Complaining Guy".  You know which one - the one whose office is too hot/cold/moist/dry/loud/quiet, whose lumbago acts up as soon as someone DITY moves and the office volunteers to help pack up, who gets 1/2 the work done in twice the time as everyone else, and knows every single step necessary to file an IG complaint while often offering to coach others through the process.

We also can't forget to mention "Exasperated Guy".  Exasperated Guy is the one who always seems to have the last minute projects land squarely in his/her lap.  This is not due to poor planning, but rather because Exasperated Guy keeps telling him/herself that THIS time s/he will NOT help the people who don't do their work when they are supposed to, s/he will let them take their medicine so they will learn!  Then, of course, when crunch time rolls around, Exasperated Guy can't stand it and jumps in to pull out a last minute save.  Exasperated Guy usually has a lot Tums hanging around the office and does Pepto shots like they're mixed with jello.

Most recently, Air Force Guy and I have been having several run-ins with a type that I like to call, "The Poacher".

The Poacher is sneaky - very rarely can you figure out who The Poacher is right off the bat.  You might notice that your special coffee is shrinking at a somewhat faster rate than it should be, but perhaps you just have not remembered amounts correctly.  That's easy to explain away.  Another time you might put in for leave and have to reschedule it because, although you thought no one would be gone that week, it seems that someone else put in right before you did.  But once again - these things happen.

Soon - other things might crop up that tweak your Spidey Sense, and you suddenly start realizing that there seems to be a pattern emerging.  There might be a Poacher in the office.

The coup de grace of any Poacher is to get a primo assignment without actually having to search for one.  To this end, The Poacher talks to everyone who is on the same track.  Ripe for discussion are the assignments that each person is "working", and what each entails.  The Poacher pays inordinate attention to the whole discussion, including who to talk to at headquarters.  By the time The Poacher's victims figure out what is up, it's too late.  Too much information has been leaked and The Poacher is visiting the assignments officer with a case of Sierra Nevada Pale Ale, tickets to the Superbowl, and a year's supply of ProActive for the zit afflicted teenager living moodily in the assignment officer's (AO's) house.  By the time you figure this all out, the AO's children are referring to "Uncle Poacher" and the AO's spouse has found The Poacher a wife.  Probably her sister.

So, right at this moment, Air Force Guy and I are embroiled in some drama with a Poacher.  My spidey sense tingled quickly when I met this particular Poacher - someone we'll call, say, Mr. P.  So far, Mr. P is feverishly working two different assignments, both uncovered during a working lunch.

Mr. P has not, however, so much as tried to poach from AFG yet.  And yes, there is a reason. 

To Be Continued... 

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