I Ask You, What is Worse?


What's worse? Having to do The Kelvin, or not having the opportunity to do The Kelvin when The Kelvin should have been done? If you don't know what The Kelvin is, click here before you read on or this story will not make sense.   

While I was in Fayetteville for SpouseBUZZ LIVE, my husband was in Baltimore attending the Army/Navy game. Judging from the score, it's likely that he would rather have spent the day with 200+ military spouses than at the game watching his Army boys get whipped by the Navy boys. 

When I returned home Sunday evening, I plopped down on the sofa and began excitedly telling my husband all the wonderful stories that came out of SpouseBUZZ LIVE. I went to prop my feet on the ottoman and noticed that it had been repositioned and my feet didn't reach the ottoman.

Did you move the ottoman out?


You didn't? It's not in the same place.

Mr. Andi was grinning but I didn't pay much attention and just continued on with the stories and telling him what a great day I had at SpouseBUZZ LIVE. Then, I looked over at the Christmas tree and saw an ornament on the tree which stuck out like a sore thumb. I walked over to the tree to see that someone had made a snowflake ornament out of a napkin and had drawn the New York Yankees logo on it. Clearly a funny meant for my husband. Most of you know my husband is a huge Red Sox fan.

Where did the ornament come from?

What ornament?

This one.

Oh, well....Max had some visitors this weekend.

He did? Who?

See, I knew things were different in my house. Long story short, while my husband was in Baltimore, some of his Army buddies gathered at our house to watch the Army/Navy game. Apparently, and this is something I'll never understand, but a sporting event is simply unwatchable unless it's in High Definition (HD). We have HD, so our television was in demand.

Did you do The Kelvin?

I knew the answer to that one. I laughed. But I wasn't laughing for long. No.I.Wasn't.

First of all, I left on Wednesday. That means that Mr. Andi had two days to get the house all out of sorts before his friends came over. But truthfully, it wasn't guest-ready when I left because I had been on the road several times in the past few weeks and was busy with SBL preparations, so I had let the usual, deep-cleaning portion of housekeeping duties slide. House wasn't a mess, by any means, but it wasn't scrubbed either. A pit developed deep in my stomach.

Please, please tell me that no undergarments were laying around. Please....

If only. I could have dealt with that any day compared to what Mr. Andi discovered. Our cat Max is a homebody. He likes his mom to be home with him. I work from home, so he's spoiled because he and I usually get to spend the day together. I've been traveling quite a bit lately and each time Max sees the suitcase, he gets nervous because he knows that means I'm leaving him again. Apparently, Max went off the deep end when both of his parents left him.

We keep a luxurious, fuzzy, warm blanket on the sofa. That's Max's blanket. He loves to curl up on his blanket. Mr. Andi noticed an ominous odor coming from the direction of the blanket and moved to investigate. The blanket was in a bit of disarray and he peeled back one layer to find that Max had left a present for us. One of the solid variety.

Max has never done that before and my guess is that he said to himself, "I've about had it with this traveling stuff and I'm not going to take it anymore. I'll show my parents just what I think about it, too." Then I imagine he squatted on the blanket, did his business, covered it back up and rolled on the floor laughing. In fact, Max took a photo of himself sticking his tongue out at us. I suppose this was taken shortly after he made the....deposit (click to enlarge).


Mr. Andi called me downstairs and explained what he had found. I turned white.

You don't think....that it was there....when the house was full of Army guys....do you?

I don't know.

Oh, dear God.

I suppose I'll know the answer to that question when I invite everyone over for a party. If they refuse the invitation, I'll know that yes, indeed they had discovered Max's temper tantrum. I have visions of the guys telling their wives that we have turds laying around the house. Oh, groan.....

So, what's worse? Having to do The Kelvin, or not having the opportunity to do The Kelvin when you own a cat with a sick, sick sense of humor?   

It's always something, isn't it?

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