At SpouseBUZZ LIVE Ft. Bragg/Pope, we talked about anticipatory grief. I told the story about how I planned the knock at the door and my husband's funeral. You can read about that here, and AWTM's account is here. Joan D' Arc told the audience that she thought about the possibility that her husband may not return, but she didn't prepare for him to be injured. I found it interesting that I too had dwelt on the worst-case scenarios, but not the other ranges of possibilites.
I was out of town during Thursday's SpouseBUZZ Talk Radio show and just finished listening to the program. Guest Ashley discussed her fears surrounding her boyfriend's upcoming deployment, and I thought we should expand on that topic. I've never written about this, but when my husband was deployed, I may have feared a kidnapping more than death. I knew that a kidnapping would surely lead to a torturous death. I admit that a few times I thought that I would prefer a quick death over a kidnapping because of the horrible stories we've all heard about how our troops have been subjected to unspeakable torture, which ultimately led to death. The odds of a kidnapping victim being released alive were almost nonexistent and I truly don't believe that I could have dealt with someone harming a single hair on my husband's head. I didn't obsess over this, but would occasionally think about it. The mere thought of someone sticking sharp objects into his body, electrocuting him, etc., made me want to vomit.
We're all different as people, and our fears are different as well. But what I love about this group is that we can feel comfortable sharing and discussing our fears with one another. Outsiders may not understand these seemingly-crazy thoughts, but we certainly do. I'm interested in hearing your fears, now or in the past. More importantly, I'd like to know how you deal with your fear. I think this would be a great topic for a SpouseBUZZ Talk Radio show, too. It's always nice to know that you're not the only one grappling with fear, and it's inspiring to hear stories from others about how they've coped with their fear and not let it paralyze them.