Mating in Public: What Has the World Come To?

Consider yourself warned. DO NOT let the little ones read this post. It's about a sex act I witnessed in public. In broad daylight, no less. Unbelievable!

Several months ago, I attended a bi-partisan event which featured a speech by President Bush. The place was crawling with Secret Service agents, and, of course, everyone had to proceed through the magnetometers and mandatory bag checks.

I cleared the magnetometer with no problems (even with the silver dripping from my wrists, neck and ears), but when the very nice secret service agent went through my handbag and grabbed my phone, I knew I was in trouble. In fact, I thought it quite likely that I was five minutes away from being hauled off into some room and being interrogated for hours. My husband will worry, I thought. I wonder if they will tell him I'm in custody, or if I'll simply disappear? I decided that I would be sure they knew my husband is a soldier, and that maybe that would help.

The agent pops open my phone and finds the broken hinge on one side, and the protruding wires. Okay, I understand that it looks bad. Not to mention the wires scratch my ear each time I use the phone. It's a pain, really. 

Ma'am, what is this?

Um, well, er, um...it's my cell phone. (Nervous laugh....).

Agent looks at me suspiciously, for longer than was comfortable.

Ma'am, you'll need to turn that on for me.

Oh, that's easy. I know the phone isn't going to explode, so I turn it on. Tah Dah - all is well. He plays with the phone for another minute or so and then apparently decides I'm not a security risk (after efficiently rifling through the items in my handbag).

This phone has seen better days.

Oh, yes sir. It's really embarrassing when your parents have a better cell phone than you do.

Another nervous laugh mysteriously escaped from my mouth. Have you noticed that my body is taken over by strange forces quite often?

Since that day, I swore to get a new phone. Since that day, I have not.

Over the past few days, I have become serious. I've been researching phones. Only, I don't want just a phone, I want a device that will allow me to email and surf, too. Plus, if and when my husband deploys again, I won't feel chained to the comptuer all the time. I'll be able to pick up his email from wherever I am. IM too. If history is any indicator, I probably won't purchase another phone for ten more years, so I better make this purchase count.

I noticed that AT&T is offering military families a great discount on a Blackberry, and then Sprint offers a discount, too. And what about a TREO? I was talking to my friend Johnny Royal, who just got a new TREO. He told me that you don't have to hook the TREO up to laptop for it to sync, you just have to place the TREO beside the laptop and it will automatically pick up the signal and sync. Interesting...

So, I'm in a store looking at various devices when two advanced techno-heads strike up a conversation. They decide to exchange contact information. Only they do not take out a pen and pencil. No, they pull out their little phone-like devices, move close together, touch their devices to one another and right there, for the world to see, the devices began mating. IN PUBLIC. What has this world come to? Thank God there were no little kids present. I was appalled and moved to reprimand these shameless nuts.

I approach the men and give them a piece of my mind. Well, something like that.....

If I come back in nine months, will there be little baby phones all over the floor? And if so, can I adopt one of them?

The techno-heads don't seem to appreciate the joke, but that's okay, I knew it was funny. I frequently laugh at myself when no one else does.

So, back to my dilemma - Blackberry or TREO? At this rate, I should have my new all-in-one by, oh, say, 2009. I promise this, though. Whatever device I settle on, I will not allow it to mate in public. It's just not right.

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